Drifting

A favourite saying of mine often went like this: "Things change, people change, and we move on with our lives." Lately i've been feeling that a little, especially with friends who are, thanks to various circumstances, becoming a little more... distant.

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To be honest there's a lot of things i'd like to believe in, to hope for. but i'm no idealist. i'm a pragmatist. and that's why i know that even though she's important to me, we'll never go beyond friendship. simply because that's the way things are with us.

I'd like to believe that things would never change much (or drastically). That somehow it wouldn't be such that maybe one day we'd wake up and realise that the gap between us is just too far to bridge. That somehow, that level of closeness we used to have is something we'd always have. but i know that's just wishful thinking.

The working world changes things. and changes them a lot. say what you like about me having already gotten a job and all that. but the plain truth is that unlike her, i'm still stuck in the school environment. and the differences are telling - especially when it comes to late nights of working (something that i doubt i'll rarely get much of - not that i want it).

I understand that she's busy. really busy. and i know it can't be helped, simply because that's how the job is. but sometimes i wish she just wouldn't push herself so hard (or that they wouldn't push her so hard). Say what she likes about being ok with the idea of singlehood, i know that's not her thing (I mean, personally i'm always advocating singlehood. and yet sometimes i feel that i'm missing someone, so what more for her?).

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The realisation's pretty sad, when you become aware of the fact that the closeness of the friendships built is based on bad things that happened. Thinking about it, i realised that some of my strongest friendships built were built at the time when either of us was at a down point, and that a lot of our bonding was a result of those down points. And when the down point had passed, somehow we slowly drifted apart.

Its sad you know. when friendships are built on pain. Like i told S once.... "after this is all over and everything's ok, we'll probably drift apart. because you'll forget (and that's a good thing). but there'll be that gap. and it'll never be the same anymore. because things change, people change. and we move on with our lives."

I remember she said she wouldn't let that happen. but it did. I knew it would.

2010

The other day a friend of mine tried to convince me to start blogging again. I thought i'd just dust off this place and just do a lookback at the year that was 2009....

Jan-May: Finished up what was my graduating semester in NUS.

after almost 5 years, i've finally come out with my degree (and a 2nd class lower honours to boot). However, that wasn't the end of my NUS journey as something i said on the last day of project submissions proved rather.... prophetic.

The final sem was rather fun, getting to know all the honours class people. Thanks guys for the birthday cake that i unfortunately couldn't eat, the wild party on the last day of school, and all those hours of camping out in the cosy room, where everyone was just chionging projects continuously.

Along the way i got involved in my first-ever (and maybe only) photography / mixed-media exhibition, made many more friends (some of which have become pretty close), and just basically had an experience i probably wouldn't have gotten otherwise.

May-Nov: LASIK Surgery: The Laser Way to Better Sight (3rd Edition). AKA how Chris became a web / publications designer.

Background story: 3 years ago my uncle got me to help him do his 2nd edition of the above-mentioned book. That time i only did the text. This time when we did the revision, i did more. A LOT MORE.

That 6-month gig at my uncle's (which never looked like ending for the longest time) possibly was one of the most beneficial experiences in my life, because of what came with it. The good thing was i worked only 3-days a week (more days optional since i was paid per hour), and it actually gave me time to hang out with my grandfather (picking him up on my work days cos he had dialyis, and hanging out at his place on the days i didn't). And those 6 months taught me quite a bit (i suppose most of you don't know that i've always considered my grandfather one of the people i've most wanted to be like).

I have to admit that doing a layout for a 192-page book (even though i can just follow format of a previous edition) is no joke. Together with having to do layouts for instruction manuals and a website, that's just... intense. But all that set the stage for what was to come next.... the next stage to set up the "fulfillment" of my "prophetic" statement a few months earlier...

Aug-Sept: Taught Photoshop and Illustrator to CNM NM2208 students.

When an opportunity came up, I jumped on a possible chance of joining Ubisoft as a marcomms (marketing / communications) 3-month contract staff. I went for the interview, sat for the test, but didn't make it (for a while i was bummed). When i got the rejection, i decided (on a whim) to take up a job as a Photoshop / Illustrator instructor to NM2208 students (for those who didn't have background in those applications - personally i had no background in Illustrator at that point so i picked it up as i went along).

The pay for the job was pretty decent (comparable to working on the book and website), and another piece of the puzzle for the big "fulfillment" was set in motion...

Nov 2009-Jun 2011: Teaching Assistant in Communications & New Media.

So this is where i am now. back in school (a friend once joked that i seemed dead-set on not leaving NUS). I've been assigned to teach 2 modules that i've taken as an undergraduate (more specifically, NM2208 and NM3217). I'd have to say that those 6 months at my uncle's had helped me tremendously in securing the job. If i hadn't taken the Photoshop / Illustrator gig, i wouldn't have known about the vacancy for Teaching Assistant open up (and applied for it ASAP). and my lecturer wouldn't have decided to nominate me as a candidate for it.

The job interview with my HOD was nothing like what i expected it to be, and was more of a "ok, here's what i'm expecting you to do". Before I knew it, i was a full-time staff in CNM. So now, i've helped students with their projects, done a bit of marking, and done some more publications layouts (for the department of course). and my HOD has just given me the gigantic task of helping revamp our department website ("no pressure of course, but i know you're a good designer!" Holy crap to that. She doesn't know i think i'm a horrendous designer, who just happens to get lucky).

So that's pretty much been the year for me. Rather interesting i suppose, in a mundane kind of way.

Incidentally, my "prophetic statement" that i made during the last week of project submissions is this - "if i can't find a job anywhere else, i'll come back to CNM and become a TA." And to think i said it half-jokingly at the time.

P.S. this teaching assistant gig is actually quite apt. It actually fits in rather nicely with the 5-year plan. And yes, singlehood is still pretty much on the cards.

The grand plan.

Yes i do believe i have it. a plan for the next (at least 5) years or so. It all sounds a little bit crazy, and we know how plans can get derailed, but i've got the crux of it worked out. Whether it really happens of course is another matter altogether, but there's some hope at least.

5 years is a long time. and a lot of things can happen. but i'm pretty sure getting there is going to be one hell of a ride. As i've always used to say: "things change, people change, and we get on with our lives." which probably explains why when 1 phase ends and another begins, i just move on and don't look back - i've never really been big on sentimentality (though sometimes there's a sense of regret for this trait).

well whatever happens, we'll just have to wait and see. But i probably can guarantee this much - when the time comes to look back on this, i'll still be single. that's one thing i can safely bet on. haha.

Sticking Around for 1 more year

The results are OUT (well they've been out for a few days already but never got down to posting). And thankfully (not to mention amazingly), i am STAYING FOR 1 MORE YEAR!!! Yes, despite 26 projects / assignments and 7 modules (and 1 stinking exam i had given up all hope on), I have managed to do OMFG-i-can't-believe-it well (in my opinion. and i don't have very high standards). So, though it may be a little delayed, here's some shoutouts to all my proj groups:

CS3216: Ok i have 11 different group mates. I can't thank them all cos that would be a post by itself. But many props to Evo for his great skills with Monsters.

GEM2901: D and N, i swear the 3 of us were the most slack project group i've seen in my life. But its all good. the module was kinda useless anyway, so we've got it all done and that's all that matters.

NM3208: M, P & XL, good times with video production project. I still swear i look horrible in the MTV. the slap was damn hopeless (and probably as fake as everyone insists it is). But i still think the carebear-ripping trick was DAMN COOL.

NM3217: Ok so maybe there wasn't much group work here, but thanks to CS for providing me the ultimate client to work on for my projects.

NM5211: The girls of Mushroom Six. I still dunno why i went along with the idea. seriously. But its all good. It was crazy, it was fun, and i hope everyone got As out of the module. haha.

Internship: Of course where would i be now without it? totally amazing stuff. TOTALLY. if i hadn't done it, probably wouldn't have been crazy enough to do what i did last sem, which no one else should seriously try themselves unless they think they can handle it.

On another note, the level 4000 honours modules are totally not me. its all THEORY BASED (and everyone knows i hate theory). which leaves me with the question: ISM? or no ISM? If i do it i got a supervisor in mind and a topic (which very CONVENIENTLY builds on previous experience i have. which brings back what i've always said: "play the unfair advantage!"

I have no life and i must design...

... which is all fine and well except for 1 "small" detail: I HAVE NO AESTHETIC SENSE WHATSOEVER.

I mean, I can do graphics, publications, videos, games (and video games) and now websites. BUT its all technical. I'm half decent with photoshop, dreamweaver, indesign / freehand, premiere, after effects and maybe even maya, but creatively, i STINK.

(Oh did i mention that i'm pretty damn good with microsoft excel?)

so what advantage is there to being good technicallly if all the skills you have is what pretty much what anyone else can pick up? and when there's so many other people out there who are way better? Like this guy for example?

My only forseeable "gift" is that i pick up softwares pretty quickly (but that's just in comparison to some of my friends). it doesn't give me much of an advantage frankly.

The only reason why my skills have value is that in places where i operate, they haven't found someone who's better (and willing) to do it. Does that make me the cheap / convenient option? perhaps. can i live with that? maybe. does it stink? hell yeah.

I say again: I have no life and i must design - but if there's no ideas, what's there to design?

Crossroads

Well. you'd think that i'd write a shoutout post to everyone now that the sem is over. but frankly i'm just waiting at the moment - waiting for the day to know what happens next (READ: i'm waiting for results). When the results come around i'll know whether i'm staying or going. and while i'm pretty much fine with either outcome, the not-knowing-what-happens-next feeling is just plain annoying.

so about a week and a day from now, expect a post or 2 about what happens next...

Don't say its over....

Or perhaps it really is. but it doesn't feel like it somehow. Maybe its cos i still have assignments left to do. Or maybe also because i don't know if i'm leaving for sure.

But it was kinda sad that in my last week in NUS, i didn't see any of the people i came in with. The people who, for the last 4 years of my life had made it worth coming to school. Yes, i'm talking about the SWAPS / NUSPsyche gang. Apart from maybe Shaun O and YX, i haven't seen Farah and Karina, or even Shaun G and KimChar.

On another note, somehow it just seems that things for me never really aren't meant to work out. Which just proves i'm right i suppose. That there's really nothing there to begin with. I wonder if that night would be the last time. and maybe it is. but i'm glad the opportunities were there. it made everything a lot more bearable. It wasn't much of a goodbye i guess, but that's life. maybe its better this way.

To that one special person who made her final sem (and possibly mine as well) one for me to remember, i just want to say thanks. it may not have been much (or anything at all), but there really wasn't anything that you needed to do. you just had to be you. When the time comes round again i'll see you, but between now and then, study hard and get your stuff done. Its been one heckuva ride for you with everything that's been going on in your modules.

Just want to wish you good luck with whatever comes next. and that at the end of the day you'll find your happiness (God knows you deserve it). Take care of yourself, no matter how much you feel that you need to be there for other people.

Loner

Well. Today we finished filming for our MTV project. And yet somehow i just feel sian and depressed. Don't know why, but i just do.

The filming went well i thought, considering we shot only over 2 days. But i just feel down. Maybe its all the memories that i channeled to get the right mood. Or just the something disappointing that happened. But then again i shouldn't really be disappointed cos i shouldn't have expected anything in the first place.

Need to get out of this soon. Tomorrow's another day. With more filming to do.

Job Prospects

If you're wondering, no it's not that i've found a job (actually i've already got one more or less secured. Lesson: do an internship).

But no, this is more of what i should be doing i guess. Is it just me or have i been writing a lot of bullshit recently (like the stuff for my assignments - analysis etc etc). And the best part is that it looks believable.

Maybe i should become a spindoctor.

Halfway Mark

And so we're at the halfway mark of what might be my final semester. and of all my projects, let's see everything that will be finished by the end of next week (which is end of week 7):

1. NM3217 Web Critique
2. NM5211 Serious Games Report and Presentation
3. NM3208 Theatre Poster
4. NM3208 Web picture assignment
5. NM3550 Report
6. NM3550 Powerpoint + Presentation to internship applicants
7. NM3550 Journal
8. NM3217 Organisational Research
9. CS3216 Hello World App
10. CS3216 That's Bullsh*t App + Code Review
11. CS3216 QuoteTales App + Interface Review
12. NM3208 MTV Reverse Engineering
13. NM3208 My Valentine Photo Slideshow
14. CS3216 Application Seminar Presentation
15. GEM2901 Project 1

Faster than your average student

Well. Its week 4. and here's the assignments i've handed in so far:

1. Serious Games Report+ Presentation
2. Internship Report
3. Internship Journal
4. Internship powerpoint
5. Facebook Hello World App
6. Theatrical Poster
7. Web Page of Pictures
8. Web Critique
9. Facebook "That's Bullsh*t!" App

Only 15 more to go! wahahahaha

24 Assignments

Well. Its been 1 week into start of school. and somehow, i have this little tiny nagging feeling (but just a tiny one) that i'm taking too much on for my own good (then again i thought of it the same way in previous sems and i didn't drop dead and die then so go figure). Now that reader interest is piqued, here's chris' Hell Sem (yes upgraded from hell week) timetable / schedule:

1. CS3216: Developing Applications for Evolving platforms (READ: Facebook module) - 5 Assignments / projects

2. NM3208: Designing Content for New Media (READ: the VIDEO module) - 8 Assignments / projects

3. NM3217: Graphics and Publication Design (Read: the publishing module) - 6 Assignments / projects

4. GEM2901: Reporting Statistics in the Media (Read: the Tues night late-night GEM) - 2
projects

5. NM5211: Serious Games and Educational Technology (Read: the Level 5000 taken by a year 3) - 3 Assignments / Projects

6. NM3550 and INM3550 (Read: the Internship) - 1 report + 2 Powerpoints

7. Continued Work at SGGA (Read: post-internship clean-up)

Which brings grand total of assignments this semester to *cue drumroll* : 5 + 8 + 6 + 2+ 3 = 24!!! then again considering i'm taking 7 Modules worth of credit, that kinda makes sense in some weird twisted way....

So..... 24 / 7. While it probably shows my project / module workload amount, i sincerely hope it doesn't reflect my total working time.... wahahaha


(please be reminded of the fact that i have only 1 exam.... wahahahahaha)

Glad to be going back?

As of 14th Jan, i'll be back in school after 7 months of internship. but i really wonder what things will be like when i do go back. I know that these last few months have seen many changes (even though i've tried going back to keep in touch with what's happening), and sometimes i can't help but wonder if i'd still fit in any more the way i used to.

I've had thoughts of walking away from what i've known for my past 3 years of university life, and seriously don't think i'd be missed that much when all's said and done. Maybe i should just relocate to somewhere else, hang out with different people, and not cling to what was. Perhaps if i really want to move on, i'll really have to move away from what i knew.

I'm not ruling out the fact that i may still be around, but there's a high chance i won't. but i'm not jumping to conclusions or making assumptions just yet. because when 14th of January comes round, we'll see how things pan out.

But in any case, be prepared to see less of me (i guess by now you're used to it, seeing as how i've been away for 7 months).

More whining / ranting

I've been at this job for a good 6 months. As days go by, i'm less and less convinced i should stay in my current job after i graduate. i've already burnt 2 weekends working at some events. As mentioned in the last post, i work alone (and it sucks). and sometimes it just feels that everything is dumped on me and i'm supposed to make it work. WTF. AND there's no forseeable welfare benefits. There's really no point. I tell you if i really needed the money i'd be in deep shit thanks to this being so messed up. It was fun for a while you know, the whole gaming thing.

but if its going to be so unstable and unpredictable, well i'm sorry. its just not happening. Some people say that there's a difference between being an intern and a perm staff. Somehow i feel there isn't going to be much difference if i were to join (in my opinion anyway).

No such thing....

There's no such thing as a "balanced gaming life". Or work-life balance for that matter. its all BALONEY. seriously. I mean, i look at myself. I'm working almost round the clock (except for the hours when i sleep. and i bet if i didn't have to sleep i'd be working then too). I don't think i have much of a social life (or any at all for that matter). My whole life (for the last 6 months or so) has revolved around nothing but internship work (cool as it is). Case in point is me accessing the MMOG from the car while sending my bro back to camp just so i could fix some damn problem in-game. Its kinda sad, but that's how its been. And the only way that most people know that i'm alive is probably through my MSN (on which i'm on ALL THE TIME).

Coupled with the fact that i'm not the kind of person that likes to go out much (and after working in cineleisure since may, i don't think orchard is that big a deal), and you have a recipe for someone who's built for solitary confinement. It doesn't help matters that i've spent a good part of the last 6 months working alone (and i really mean alone. no one else in the office).

This kinda sucks (wait, "kinda" is an understatement. this REALLY sucks). How do you fix a problem with the following parameters?

1. Works all day (and night)
2. Doesn't really like to go out
3. Doesn't see what's so fantastic about orchard / town
4. Has little or no contact with the outside world (MSN and work-related interactions don't count)
5. Burns weekends working for events

I'm open to suggestions. seriously. but so far it just looks like a dead-end-no-solution situation.

Back to the future

On the work front, life is (sort of) fine. Things (as always) could be better, but i doubt they'd really get seriously much better than it is now. but anyway, i digress...

I've been getting a lot of flashbacks recently. Been doing a lot of remembering (and with me that really can happen a lot). I have to say that all this remembering and mental flashbacks isn't good for me. Because things can't be laid to rest and they keep running through my mind. Sometimes i just wish i could forget so that i wouldn't be continually tormented.

Surprisingly its the happy flashbacks that are more painful than the bad ones (i find the bad ones just plain embarrassing). The happy ones are the ones that really make me remember, and remembering (in this case) isn't good. Why can't i get this stuff out of my head? It's annoying.

it looks like even after 7 months, there hasn't been any progress. does that mean anything?

Long time no see

for the record, its been just under 2 months since i posted anything up here. mostly because i'm getting kinda lazy, and also because there's nothing interesting happening at the moment (well at least interesting enough for anyone wanting to bother).

so what's happened between the last post and this one?

1. Games Convention Asia. That was mad shit (in more than 1 sense of the word).

2. Intership (as always). Which for the info of those who don't know, will last ALL the way till Dec 31st.

3. thanks to my internship, i was a guest at a level 4000 NM module. Yes you heard me right. Its ironical cos i know quite a number of the students there from our previous modules. And so class has started, and i walk in with my boss, and the lecturer says i'm sitting in as a guest. and i'm like... riiiiight. *shrug*

and that's it really. Like i said, nothing interesting happening. Sad right? hahahaha

Updates... snowball effect of sorts

A few updates for you people:

1. went back to school to visit friends now that i'm the only one at the office
2. i'm not going up to germany after all (bummer)
3. because of point 2 i now have A LOT of work (think of hell week x 10)
4. because of point 2 i can go for welcome tea (yeah)
5. i don't think i can go for agm (another bummer)
6. because of point 2 i now am going to get into the deep end to layout a magazine even before i took NM3217 (graphics and publication design)
7. because of point 2 i have to now go out and deliver stuff for one of our campaigns
8. damn i hate point 2.

and Time goes on...

Well. Its been about another month since the last update. I wonder if anyone still comes around here. probably not.

Anyway, if you for some reason are one of those that pop by and wonder "is chris still keeping this blog?" the answer would be.... yes. anyway, enough of this. on to the post.

Things have been... happening to say the least (and somehow that's an understatement). If you're wondering what i've done recently:

1. Wore a suit (yes Chris and Suit are 2 words that hardly come together in the same mental image) for an international business meeting thing hosted by our office.

2. Worked for 15 hours on a saturday at the World Cyber Games Asian Championships SG for 2 movie tickets

3. Burnt another saturday working at Cyber Showdown

4. Got to the attend the Asia Interactive Awards (and give out the certs on behalf of my boss who had to go to china for last minute business stuff)

5. Used my free movie tickets on Transformers (but had to run out of the show at one point to send urgent email for work). apologies to DF for ruining the movie.

6. I should be going to Germany for a games convention (WOOHOO!)

7. Visited my friends at their graduation ceremony. Hung out, took pics and talked... and talked... and talked....

In other news, Chris' work never seems to let up. There's always stuff to be done. LOTS of stuff. but i like what i do.

Missing In Action? and life on the "edge"

Well... it looks like the monthly updates have started again. Mostly thanks to a few reasons:

1. i've been lazy to blog
2. there's not much to blog about
3. work, work, work

but anyway... for all of those who think that the only indication of my being alive is my "online" status on msn, you're just about right actually. Ever since i've started my internship, its been nothing but work (if you want to know just how much work, imagine being involved in designing 9 games ON YOUR OWN).

While its true that i'm pretty much to blame for the fact that i've isolated myself from everyone else, i realise that once paths diverge, you no longer remain "in the loop" as they call it. It really makes you notice. When you read your friends' blogs, realise what they're up to (and wishing you could be there with them), its like... i don't know how to say it, but you just feel that something's missing. that the world is just passing you by. the worst of all of course is the fact that you never really were quite "in" that "circle" in the first place (though you thought you were).

That's a little bit of how i'm feeling now actually. because i realise that i've pretty much always been on the fringes of each of my "circles". and once paths diverge, then you really are no longer inside (or even on the edges). but even on the edges, it gets kinda lonely sometimes. *shrug* i dunno. maybe this is just being self-pitiful. but to me its really true that sometimes i feel that i'm only on the fringes of all my "circles".

Absoutely JAW DROPPING

Well. All i can say is that i'm totally and utterly SPEECHLESS (in a good way). I've never seen results like this in my whole life. Never. Ever.

Suddenly there's a whole new option to consider. but do i dare consider it? anyway... on to the "props". Presenting Chris' honour roll for Sem 2 of AY06/07 *drumroll*

Props to:

1. The members of Inventivus Relatio Corporation (my uber-powerful NM2219 project group). I don't think I coulda gotten what I got without you guys. Still remember that first tutorial when y'all came up to me after class and asked if i wanted to join your project group. I guess all those meetings till late that got us stuck over the stupid 2nd year campaign plans paid off huh? and not to mention those online meetings that seemed to go on forever. and not to mention the fact that you guys really pulled through even when we were late. and not to mention pulled out ALL the stops for our project (to the point our tutor said it was "phenomenal"). we totally owned the rest of them. seriously. I don't think i could've possibly worked with a team that was better. cos you guys were THE BEST.

2. Team members for iPerceptum (User Experience design project). NM4210 was about User Experience. and well, working with you guys really was an experience i'll never ever forget. Thanks to the girls for picking up the slack when other stuff got in the way, for the stuff for the report, and props to my main man for his whicked sick programming skills. and not to mention the initial idea that got us rolling. you da man.

3. the crew from Snap! (Game Development Project). Honestly, when this first started out i never really knew what to expect. a game development project group of 4 with 1 and a half programmers and no 3d animation background looked like a receipe for disaster, especially with XNA screwing around with you guys. But i really gotta hand it to the programmers. They made something out of nothing. Even though the shaders never really got through, the rest of the project was absolutely fantastic. The transformation from a buggy, clumsily controlled game into the final product was just... wow. Hope you guys have fun in Boston for the MIT trip. Just wish i could be there too.

4. SmartCasing (New Product Development). I know this module wasn't graded for me, but the team behind it still mattered. Props really should go out to JF for keeping it all together. I know it was horribly stressful for you, with times where you were on the verge of breaking down. But you didn't. and i don't think the project would've been able to pull through without you. props to kai for the excellent 3D modelling work. it still leaves me in awe. And props to the girls who came in just at the right time, or we'd not have been able to pull through.
there's one other person i want to thank. someone who, just by being there for that time we had, gave me strength to pull through when the hell weeks just kept going, when the stress kept piling. even though the results have left me happy, there's still that feeling of wishing i had you around to celebrate with me. I don't mean to reopen old wounds that are trying to heal, to bring up pain that you're trying to forget, or to do this to cause any hurt, but i just want to thank you. because i don't think i could have pulled through without you there. i'm just sorry that things had to turn out the way they did.

Internship

well.... exams are over (or rather PRESENTATION is over). but WORK has just begun.

I've just gotten through (almost) the first week of my internship at SGGA - Singapore Gamers' Association. the whole thing lasts for 6 months, so i'm going to be part of the workforce till some time in december...

In case you decide to come poke around and gawk at the 4 interns (or maybe 5 by next week) who are holed up in a small office that used to be retail space, i'm at level 9 of cineleisure orchard, in that large LAN shop looking thing they call E2Max, and the office is right next to that thing they call the games academy (which looks more like a game shop than somewhere that allows you to loan out games).

Well... that's it for the moment i guess. All i can say that its going to be nothing but busy for the next few months - definitely one helluva ride.

Over... in some sense.... and not in some sense..

Well, my exam is done. [ed: wait... shouldn't you mean examS?] What's so amusing about this sem (in some sense) is that there's only 1. As someone who had finished his last of 5 exams said "wah. want to gloat also cannot."

So if my exam is over, does it mean that i'm free? well not quite. because in... 5 days from now, my 8MC project is due. There's stuff to be done (lots of stuff). and not just my area (interface design). Thus explaining the title of this post

On a somewhat related note (or not)... what i don't need now is confusion. Seriously. It really is over (in one sense), but in another sense it isn't (and please don't get the 2 mixed up. because they're different. I don't mean to send wrong signals. I'm just being me.

The Great Escape

Internship interview in 6 hours at E2Max in cineleisure for Games Academy run by Singapore Gamers' Association. Wish me luck.

Hoping to get it, and to "negotiate" for the 6-month full time at Games Academy. Then i can get away from everything and everyone for 6 whole months (and i'll learn stuff in the process... wooohooo!)

Pointless

There's really no point. I don't know why I even bother. Seriously.

let's just leave it at that.

Song stuck in my head...

Hell week has finally passed. but i've got this song stuck in my head. Here's a part of it:

Perfect World - Simple plan

I never could’ve seen this far
I never could’ve seen this coming
It seems like my world’s falling apart, Yeah
Why is everything so hard
I don’t think that I can deal with the things you said Don't think i can deal with the mistakes i made
It just won’t go away

Chorus:
In a perfect world
This could never happen
In a perfect world
You’d still be here things wouldn't hurt so much
And it makes no sense
I could just pick up the pieces
But to you But it seems
This means nothing
Nothing at all

I used to think that I was strong
Until the day it all went wrong
I think I need a miracle to make it through, Yeah
I wish that I could bring you back make things right
I wish that I could turn back time
Cuz I can’t let go Its just so hard to let go
I just can’t find my way, Yeah
Without you I just can’t find my way Just seems that I can't find my way

Chorus

P.S. Please don't take this the wrong way. These are just my thoughts.

Here we go again...

Hmm... it appears that this monthly update thing is getting to be a rather regular thing for me...

so anyway... onto the update:

Life has been... busy (to say the least). and i guess the fact that having 4 concurrent projects ongoing isn't the best of things to do (especially when 1 of them is worth 2 modules worth of workload and credits). you know its bad when chris initiates a workflow timeline for each project. here's a little breakdown:

NM2219: Things are going according to schedule. Thank God for such an organised group (we even have minutes for our meetings. how cool is that?). Project looks to be in good shape after data collection. Meeting on Tues after 6... then still have to watch movie (for assignment wouldya believe) on thursday from 4-6.

NM4210: Things are kinda stable (or is it stagnant) at the moment since Reddy went down with a virus. I'm predicting work is going to pick up (especially after our meeting on sunday night at 8pm). I have this sinking feeling that i might have to do some programming *groans*

CS4343: hoho... the 2-in-1 module. Work never seems to end for this one. Just had presentation today (and its presentation and not pre-sentation according to R). And after presentation i realised i have more #$%@ to do than i can possibly imagine (which is a rather scary thought come to think about it). Apparently in trying to concentrate on the animation component, i've ignored some important stuff in my own phase of the project - the interface of the game. There's some elements i haven't quite thought about (and i need to think about soon too). *groans* Meetings and work NEVER ENDS for this module....

TR3001: S/U or no S/U, there's still work to be done for this one. and it seems like i'm going to be the one presenting (i hope the jinx doesn't strike). It seems we have something going but not sure what. and i'm beginning to think that this is another of those "why on earth did i choose this" type of mod.... but at least this time round i know the answer - its (somewhat) related to my field of interest.

Well, back to the grind... and see you next month.... hahahahaha

Resurrect...

Ok... contrary to popular assumption, this blog isn't dead yet (though its roughly been about a month since the last post). its just that i've been too lazy to do any updates. since i'm here might as well just drop a little stuff in right?

so anyway... the house is much emptier now ever since my bro left for RMIT. that effectively leaves just me, mum and my sis at home on most nights. its a little lonely when compared to what i've been used to, but i'll manage.

projects haven't been the best. there's a lot to do, and the 4343 one doesn't seem to be getting any easier when i hear about all those problems with compatibility and exporting issues. but it'll work out in the end i guess.

TR project is feeling a lot like a chore. its disgusting i tell you. somehow i regret taking the module. maybe i'll s/u it. *shrug*

other than work, life's been pretty ok i guess.

i admit this wasn't much of a post, but frankly, i don't care. after all, its just to let people know the blog isn't dead yet....

Updates, updates, updates...

well.... its been a long time since i last posted (about a month to be exact). and the major reason why nothing's been up here is because i've been too lazy to post anything. but i figured that i should get down to doing it again, just to keep this blog alive....

So anyway... this has not been a good start to the semester, mainly because only now have i FINALLY (and i do mean FINALLY) been allocated ALL my modules (i swear its cumulative retribution for 5 semesters of hassle-free module acquisition).

I won't really go into many details (because i've already explained it multiple times), but all i can say is... this whole thing has left me rather annoyed. its not really the appealing bit that annoys, but the fact that i have to pay 30 damn CORS points just to process the appeal (when i can very well get the module for just 1 point since there's only 7 other people in the class and 31 vacancies).

on another note, the modules this sem seem rather interesting. though CS4343 is definitely going to take a lot of work (8MC module i.e. twice normal workload) for a 4-person project group. its going to be CRAZY i tell you. already Cowboy X last semester 4 people do until want to die...

NM4210 looks to be related to my major interest in user interface, which is a good thing. unfortunately there's an 8-week group project (that's a BAD thing). but i guess you can't expect anything less from a 100% CA module. at least it'll be interesting right? *shrug*

TR3001 is going to be.... ARGH. i know the module is relevant for sure. but i hate coming up with ideas for products (i'm definitely not big on creativity - funny thing then that i'm in a major and concentration that is...). Its already tuesday and still i've got nothing. and class is on friday.... GAH

oh and who can forget NM2219 (taught by Mr Raj)? that's DEFINITELY going to be interesting for sure (it's Mr Raj after all), and not to mention SHORT (he promises to keep us no later than 1 hour and 15 minutes after start of lecture *grin*). oh, and i did i mention i sacrificed my free day just to get his tutorial slot? (yes i'm THAT crazy. but i figure i'll end up coming to school every day anyway).

Whatever you do, don't think of a pink rhinoceros... or whether a duck's quack has an echo

you know how it is, when people tell you "don't think of a pink rhinoceros" and try as hard as you might you just can't help yourself? and the more you try not to think of the damn rhinoceros the more you do end up thinking about it? so... is it really possible to follow the instructions and not think of a pink rhinoceros.... according to some rather reliable sources...

"Studies have shown that thought suppression may actually lead to continued expression. (E.g. if I would like for you not to think about a white bear; think about anything but a white bear. You will find it very hard not to think about a white bear.) However, such ironic process of mental control will only show up if you're under stress. In fact, the more you try to think of something else (say, y) to distract your attention (from x), the chances that this very thing (Y) may become a retrieval cue to think about x. Yup, that's how ironic our mental control can be"

and based on all that information, the answer would be that yes, it would be possible (though albeit very difficult) to obey instructions to not think of a pink rhinoceros. then again... what if you didn't know what a rhinoceros was? hmmm....

p.s. i thought of this weird question after remembering this comic (wiley's non-sequitter) a few weeks back about how this girl Danae couldn't stop thinking about whether a duck's quack has an echo.... and as a result of telling other people, they couldn't stop thinking about it either....

Time for a few updates...

after like almost a month, i'm (finally) updating this blog (after much nagging from readers).

So what's been going on since the end of hell week round 3? for all those readers out there who were dying (ed: yeah right) for an update...

Hell week round 3... over? (not quite): so anyway... hell week round 3 was supposed to have ended with the disastrous presentation etc etc right? apparently i was WRONG. i basically spent the whole of the so-called reading week working on 1 term paper and 1 frigging 50% INDIVIDUAL project *grumbles*. And if anyone starts wondering "Why on earth is he doing term papers and projects in reading week instead of mugging", well... the mods are non-examinable (and i think my lecturers rationalised it like this - "if there's no exam, then there's nothing to study for. and if there's nothing to study for, why not give them a project or term paper?" right. so i spent the whole week right up till friday doing the term paper (which was pretty easy) and the project (which made me feel like vomitting blood). thankfully my exams weren't the immediate ones. and speaking of the exams....

Chris' 2 exams (yes you heard me right. only 2 exams): so yah. ok the first exam was pretty good (thanks to the tonnes of hints Dr Perry gave in the webcasts). that was a pretty decent way to start off i should think (and yet on the other hand i was a little disgruntled because my first paper was the LAST paper for some of my friends). so media writing went well. wish i could say the same for genes and society though *cue chris's ranting* GAH. stupid genes and society. 100 MCQ, with 20 questions referring to some retarded passage. didn't have time to finish, in the end anyhow shade *grumble grumble* stupid module *grumble grumble* lucky i S/U *grumble grumble*

Holiday plans (er... is this a holiday?): well. i've spent the day at settler's with 1 classmate, 2 lecturers and the lecturer from some US university (i forget where exactly) who WROTE ONE OF MY DESIGN TEXTBOOKS (i'm acting like a total fanboy ain't i?). ended up playing some super retarded game called "unexploded cows" (by a very aptly named company called cheapass games), as well as this stock market thingamajig called acquire. and in both games i got pwned (damn). and tomorrow, she's giving a 3-day crash course workshop (maybe i should get her to autograph my textbook - THAT would be a total fanboy thing, no?)

other than that, not much planned. oh. there's blog and board thing for NUSPsyche. and the camp video (which STILL isn't done). and boss says we're probably gonna have a lot to do (implied by the fact that we'll probably want to kill her). like i said... is this a holiday?

hell week round 3 is.... OVER!!!! PWNAGE!!!!

Ed: i know this isn't a good way to start a post but what the hey...

KNN!!!!! Even though hell week round 3 just ended, i kenna struck down by Murphy's Law (curse you murphy! CURSE YOU!!! *shakes fist in anger*). Stupid week couldn't even end on a happy note. ok now that the ranting is over and done with, here's a little recap:

1. Cowboy X - the video

The video was finished by 11pm thursday night. gave me a bloody headache from staring at the screen the whole time. (didn't help matters that the headache lasted all the way till friday night).

the video was pretty cute (if i say so myself). got the message across nicely, and on hindsight looked like one of those cartoon things cos of the resolution.

2. Cowboy X - the "Sales pitch".

CY and Dang totally blow my mind with the final game they manage to rush out at 9am (i swear to God they left me totally stunned). but since life is fair (in some sense), though the game development was fantastic, other problems arose...

I tested the laptop (i really did). I tested ALL the stuff i wanted to run (i REALLY DID). and it ran fine for all of 5 minutes. THEN TECHNOLOGY DECIDES TO GO KAPUT ON ME.

I couldn't show the live demo because the projector didn't like my laptop for some reason. then it totally refused to show anything at all. and just when i decide to RESTART MY COMPUTER the screen comes back on *shakes fist in anger*.

so we give up on my laptop, switch to Dang's instead. the stuff is all wonky on his too, but we pull through (after much nerve-wracking moments experienced by yours truly). on the bright side, tech issues aside at least we weren't torn to shreds by Kevin and Alex during Q & A.

3. playtesting for Interactive Storytelling

I seriousy wonder if i should have gone for that playtest session, and whether it was just a waste of time for me. was totally zoned (thanks to the monster headache which got worse after the sales pitch full of tech mishaps). i guess it helped that i concussed for pretty much almost the whole 3 hour break between 1 and 4.

4. AC international Speech night - the video shoot

Decided to be the "good big brother" and help my sister videotape her performance (i volunteered for this without knowing i would be struck by the uber-headache from hell). So i pulled through the filming, headache and all. then i went home and concussed on my bed for almost a good 12 hours.

shoutouts:

1. Dang, CY and Huimin: You guys rock! i don't think GAS games and Cowboy X could've survived without you! *kowtows to Dang and CY* Like i said earlier - these 2 guys blew my mind. i never expected the final cowboy X product to look THAT good.

2. R: i know that if i say thank you for your being there for me, you'll insist that you didn't do anything. but that's the point of "being there" isn't it? you don't have to do anything. you just have to be there. and to me, that's enough. in your own special way you helped me pull through.

oh and before i go... a little picture for you guys.

In memory of GAS games:

The end is near....

ok... contrary to what you might think, this post is NOT about hellfire and brimstone. more accurately, its about the end of my hell week 'round 2'. and here's why:

Deadlines for the week ending 3 Nov

1. Interactive Storytelling assignment (monday)
2. Media writing Breaking News (tuesday)
3. Media writing press release (tuesday)
4. Media writing Public Service announcement (tuesday)
5. Media writing tutorial (tuesday)
6. Game Design prototype and document (friday)

so as you can see... what i've got left is the prototype and design document.

and after that... on to hell week round 3 which should include:
1. final demo for game design
2. game design term paper
3. interactive storytelling final assignment
4. media writing tutorials and assignments (not sure how many more)

effectively i think i only have this weekend to 're-charge'. then its on to round 3

surviving hell week round 2....

i thought hell week round 2 would be horrible (3 assignments due tomorrow and a comprehensive project documentation at the end of the week). but i think i can survive. not because i have to, but because i have motivation. thank you for being my motivation. thank you for being there for me. thank you for being who you are.

Operation Tiger (Debrief)

well. its finally over and done with. operation tiger is finally done. and now i can get back to normality (read: DEADLINES).

pretty successful i think. no screw-ups or anything, which is always a good thing. photos? maybe. maybe not.

Operation Tiger

well. today's my grandfather's 80th (80th? imagine that...)

which brings me to 'operation tiger' - his birthday party (and a huge one at that). who woulda thought that at 80 my grandfather would have a theme party. ok fine so the theme is rather old-school (its peranakan), but a theme none the less. i bet all of you would just totally love to see what i've been forced to wear (probably in the anticipation that you get to suan me after). there'll be pictures (i think). if i can be bothered to post them...

so anyway... one one hand its an exciting thing (considering all our preparations). and on the other, i can't wait for it to end (sometimes too exciting is not good).

so anyway, we're gearing up for it.... operation tiger begins in: T-5 hours.... sheesh.

Hell week... ROUND 2

believe it or not, i have more than 1 round of hell week (if my calculations are correct i should have 3). yes you heard me right.

so anyway... on to hell week round 2 (most of which has been covered in the previous post). deadline is friday 27th.... so based on posting time, deadline is in T-10 days. Check back then to see if chris is alive (and if he is, he's probably gearing up for hell week round 3).

Down Time...

With most of the assignments now out of the way... its sort of the 'calm before the storm' for me... like the period between assignments. 1 'wave' is over... now i'm anticipating the next one.

the thing is... i already know what i have to do, but am still too lazy to start on it. like... adrenaline's down after taking a 'hit' from the 1st wave. need to get up again and get ready for the next one. otherwise i'm surely going to 'drown'...

so here's a to-do list:

GEK1527 Term paper
NM4209 Research paper
NM4209 project
NM3222 Assignment
NM2220 Tutorials + various assignments (total number yet to be confirmed)

honestly speaking... doesn't look too promising. someone get me to start on it before i drown...

can't quite put my finger on it...

SCD just told me about my (apparent) explosion today. i didn't think i exploded / snapped at people (not at that point anyway). but on hindsight, i'm beginning to see a worrying trend...

It isn't the first time that someone has asked if i'm pissed cos i (apparently) snapped at someone else. its happened at least twice prior. and as the post title indicates, i can't quite figure out why. People have told me that i looked stressed (last week at least), but i said that i'm fine. so now i'm wondering... am i really? or am i just fooling myself that everything's ok?

i think there IS something bugging me. but i'm not sure what. and obviously it's bugging me enough (subconciously anyway) to make me snap at people. but i just can't quite put my finger on it...

My favourite song...

for regular and /or long-time readers of any of my blogs, by now you would know that this is my favourite song. every so often i feel like putting it down if only because it reflects what i'm thinking (and my life as i know it).

so i present to you (again), 'Wonderful' by Everclear - A song for anyone and everyone who's been in / going through this situation:

I close my eyes when I get too sad
I think thoughts that I know are bad
Close my eyes and I count to ten
Hope it's over when I open them

I want the things that I had before
Like a Star Wars poster on my bedroom door
I wish I could count to ten
And make everything be wonderful again

I hope my mom and I hope my dad
Will figure out why they get so mad
I hear them scream, I hear them fight
They say bad words that makes me want to cry

Close my eyes when I go to bed and I
Dream of angels who make me smile
I feel better when I hear them say that
Everything will be wonderful some day

Promises mean everything
When you're little and the world is so big
I just don't understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
When you tell me everything is wonderful now

Na na nana........Please don't tell me everthing is wonderful now

I go to school and I run and play
I tell the kids that it's all ok
I have to laugh so my friends wont know
When the bell rings I just don't want to go home

Go to my room and I close my eyes
I make believe that I have a new life
I don't believe you when you say that
Everything will be wonderful some day

Promises mean everything
When you're little and the world is so big (so big)
I just don't understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
When you tell me everything is wonderful now

Na na nana........No. No.

I don't want to hear you tell me everything is wonderful now.
No. No. I don't want to hear you tell me everything is wonderful now.
I don't want to hear you say that I will understand some day
No. No. No. No.
I don't want to hear you say that you both have grown in a different way
No. No. No.No I don't want to meet your friend
I don't want to start over again
I just want my life to be the same
Just like it used to be
Somedays, I hate everything
I hate everything
Everyone and everything
Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now.
Na na nana....

No. Please I don't want to hear you tell me everything is wonderful now...
No. Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now..
Na nana..
Everything is wonderful now...

[Ed: Wonderful? yeah right]

Shit hits the fan...

Ladies and gentlemen,

Chris' hell week has officially begun. in addition to my 'to-do' list, i now have:

1. Draft of 'Project Tiger' video up by 30th Sept
2. CMC event 30th Sept 4-9 pm

how on earth am i gonna cope....

Ed: with God's grace, enough of sleep, and more bullshit than you could possibly imagine

Double Whammy

its been a rather exciting few days i have to admit.

WED:

SCD's birthday. collect cake for delivery to school (at 10am). get message from SCD that she might pon. nearly get heart attack. convince SCD to go with me to canteen to buy food (hence creating a distraction for birthday cake setup.

try to start work on video. freak out cos can't get the concept out. get really agitated and mum gets worried. finally get 'insight' (as R calls it) at 12 midnight.

THURS:

rushing video for AGM, literally to the last minute. Memories on TV decides to screw up on me. have trouble converting to viewable format for editing. transition effects get screwed up. make 2 variations of video (2nd version in adobe premiere), holding the laptop while its rendering graphics, all the way from AS6 to LT12. play video made in memories on TV. nearly get a heart attack when video lags. end up using adobe premiere pro version of video (which i'm not too happy with cos of screw-ups there).

shout out to R for helping me keep calm today while doing my video. thanks loads. i was panicking like nobody's business (as you would have very obviously noticed). also thanks for putting up with the nonsense (note to self: don't think out loud if you can help it).

ASSignments, Tests and Notes to self

if you think that taking 4 mods is going to be easy, check this out

To-do list from now till just after mid-sem break

GEK1527 Essay (approx 1000 words)
GEK 1527 Midterm (on a saturday evening no less. note to self: ask SCD for tution)
NM 2220 Interview / profile (note to self: get hold of alex and ask for interview)
NM 2220 Breaking News assignment (note to self: drop by for CONTRAST)
NM 3222 Assignment (note to self: come up with ideas soon. then go see Sarah about them)
NM 4209 Wiki posting (note to self: do reading from newly acquired textbooks)
NM 4209 Presentation preparation (note to self: do slides / handouts or whatever)
NM 4209 Project updates (note to self: chase the rest of the group for stuff, update Wiki and regularly check / post on forum)

and you thought taking 4 mods was slack.

oh... more notes to self: chase other people to do their stuff too.

Collide...

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

But I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find, you and I collide

I'm quiet, you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know
I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
You somehow find, you and I collide

Don't stop here
I've lost my place
I'm close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find, you and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

- Collide, by Howie Day

MSN is not working?!!!

MSN is not working. and its not just for me. apparently almost everyone i know has been 'afflicted'. which leaves me only 1 thing to say: CURSES BE UPON THE HORDES OF MICROSOFT PROGRAMMERS... then again, might not necessarily be them... oh well, let's reprhase: CURSES UPON THE HORDES OFHACKERS AND VIRUS MAKERS WHO DECIDED TO MESS WITH MSN (i can't think of anyone else who might do something like that).

argh argh argh... stupid assignments

I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT TO HAND IN A MEDIA WRITING ASSIGNMENT... $#%$#^

and to think here i was thinking that there's like nothing to do (thank God the lab assignments constitute only 10% of the total grade). and even though its like 10% per day per late assignment... which effectively makes it only 0.3% of the final grade ASSUMING i get everything right.

let's hope it doesn't happen again... haiz...

week 4... and things are moving really slowly...

Log entry: 8/9/06

school is in full swing (week 4 actually). things seemed to have settled down, but i haven't quite gotten down to work (which is something quite worrying considering my CA workload). module analysis as follows:

NM4209: Cowboys X (say it many times fast).... seems to be working out. the game is taking shape (hopefully). can't say the same for my presentation and paper though (the textbooks still haven't arrived from amazon.com)

NM3222: seems like an interesting module (with shades of NM2208 - the first assignment being a case in point). 100% CA... so the remaining assignments should be interesting).

NM2220: still wondering if i made the right choice taking this module. even though workload hasn't picked up yet... i'm anticipating A LOT of work coming in.

GEK1527: you know, i'm still wondering why i took this module. its been 4 weeks, and i'm still wondering. maybe i'll be wondering about it at the end of the sem (which is highly likely).

here we go (again)

another AY, another sem. another 13 weeks of hell. and if you're wondering why...

NM4209 (Game Design 2): 100% CA (1 presentation, 1 term paper and 1 group project involving minimal level of programming *ugh*)
NM3222 (Interactive Storytelling): 100% CA (multiple small assignments and a group project)
NM2220 (Media Writing): 70% CA (multiple small assignments that occur almost every week)
GEK1507 (Genes and Society): 40% CA

yes. i have 2 non-examinable modules this sem (believe it or not). and non-examinable modules mean high CA workload. and high CA workload means come term time (which starts now)... chris is DEAD.

but what the hey. i'll get through it (i hope). just that the grades won't be fantastic. but i like what i do, so that's enough isn't it?

stuck at home... when i should be at... THE LAKE HOUSE

damn damn damn damn damn. i hate this, i really do. end yo doing sai kang all day long. bad enough have to be the supermarket kaki, now also become the unofficial 'jaga'. damnit, the prospect of a 5-day week is getting more and more appealing (if only for the excuse that it keeps me out of the house as much as possible).

i'm supposed to be watching 'The Lake House' with the rest of them (don't ask why i'm going to watch some romantic show with a bunch of girls. just DON'T). on the brightside, thanks to cors they're coming over to my place to do the last-minute bidding (again). so at least it won't be so boring later in the day.

looks like its gonna be another boring day in the life of chris...

rare CORS experience

here's something you don't see everyday... 27 vacancies, 1 bid (which happens to be me by the way). where the heck is everyone?

bad weather

truly it can be said that when it rains, it pours. and that when it pours, it floods. damn i feel like i'm a mess - have to sort all the goddam thinking out.

doesn't help that mum keeps having a go at me everytime about her perrenial number1 issue. and i HATE it. absolutely positively HATE it. does she know what it really means when she starts saying all that (sometimes i think she damn welll does, but says it anyway). yeah sure she says we got the choice and all that (but it damn hell seems like we don't). doesn't she ever stop and wonder if she's trying to live her dream through us (and trust me this is not something easy to live through). aw f*#% even she got it wrong. more incentive for me to remain at my current status. cos she'll never let me live it down if i screw it up - she'll nag on and on and i'll never hear the end of it. when C said it was like a death sentence over my head, she got it spot on. i never looked at it that way, but effectively that's what it is.

it just goes on and on and on and on and f^$#%#$ on.... and she always thinks she's right. and perfect and god knows what else. bloody hell, it even drives my sis mad (you know its bad when your sis tells you she loves school for the sole fact that it means seeing less of mum). that's it, when school starts, either i get myself a 5-day or stay till 6 on the days i have class. anything to get out of the damn house. God it's disgusting to think like this, but that's how i really feel.

apparently i think too much about things. which is bad. cos then it gives me unnecessary worries and stress. aw dammit i really am a mess.

argh argh argh argh argh...

3 days till the 'big bang' on saturday. on one hand i don't want it to come (cos it means finality and closure) and on the other i just want it over and done with (cos of the pre-party anxiety). but the biggest question on my mind now is: where is JK? seriously?

ok fine so she's got her attachment and all that (that i can't begrudge her). but its been awfully quiet. frankly i didn't expect to end up being involved to this extent - all i did was say that the guys could use my place. and now, it seems to have all gone a little.... metaphysical (to quote Terry Pratchett).

not that i wanna bitch about it, just that the original idea was hers. and then right now it looks like everyone else is just picking up the pieces and trying to fit the thing back together (i wonder what'd happen if it'd been at SGs place rather than mine - that was first option after all). in all honesty, i don't know. cos if the rest of them (and props to them for doing it) hadn't stepped in, i think this whole thing would've fizzled out.

if we had more time (and more organisation), maybe (just maybe) a bbq would still be feasible. but look at the stuff everyone's involved in. its not that easy. i'm sorry i didn't mention to you guys directly yesterday, but do you know how helpless its gonna feel if the phototaking went through? ZS has camp, JK has work, everyone else involved in phototaking (leaving just G and me to settle the food). much as i hate to say it i know its true. if everything goes well, nothing really gets said. if it bombs, everyone'll bitch (i know i would).

i'm thankful for ZS and A stepping in to help. REALLY. cos without them, this thing would've fizzled out a LONG time ago (God knows how many times i've felt like "Argh this isn't going anywhere. screw the whole thing.")

i just hate the insecurity and uncertainty of the whole thing. its crazy shit. and at the end of this post i come back to the question: where is JK?

ignorance is bliss?

i don't know how true it is to you... but don't you think that some things are better left unknown? granted its nice to know what other people are thinking, but at the same time that knowledge seems to bring with it other things.

all i'm hoping for is that things don't change.

sc-sc-sc-SCANDAL!!!! and no.39...

well. it appears the pig scandal is causing more concern than expected. which isn't necessarily a bad thing since SCD (in the process of this whole thing) realises there's actually a lot of people who care about her, worried that she'll get hurt or "taken along for a ride" (makes me sound like scum of the earth, no?). anyway if you guys really knew me, you'd know i'm better than that.

but frankly, i think about it this way - since when does a guy so READILY admit about this kind of thing (i always had the impression it was like trying to squeeze water from a rock)? well, unless maybe you're tom cruise and like jumping on Oprah's couch. there're always the 'indicators' (such as 'no. 39' among others), that sometimes people read into (especially read TOO MUCH into... shameless lah the whole lot of you.... totally SHAMELESS).

apparently the impression i have is that the pig scandal is HUGE... in the sense of it being both a huge concern, and it being big news (like i said, its good for SCD to know that there's so many people who care).

well, i'm not saying anything (unless you ask upfront). think what you like (i'm not gonna stop you). and you know what, i think one of the reasons people are a little worried is this. its a very common scenario, very familiar to most (a friend once said... the army - the dividing force). the similarities and 'signs' abound. but that's just what they are... similarities and 'signs'. and that's why i hate people to assume things (speculation is a dangerous thing. you want to know, ask straight up lah. scared of what... aiyoh *shakes head*).

well of course i'm guilty of not clarifying things, but like i said - you don't ask, how i know what you want to find out? and 'paiseh to ask' is NOT an acceptable answer.

P.S. SCD i hope you don't mind about me posting all this. but we've had 'the talk' right? so things should be fine.

P.P.S oh and personally, i think that the 'vicious cycle isn't as much the girl's fault as it seems. NS is where guys get influenced and learn to do stupid stuff (by their GF's definitions) that can jeopardise the relationship. and another thing - in all seriousness, i'd take choice 2 any day (proves SCD right doesn't it? i'm 'special')... i don't believe in 'completing the cycle' - i've seen enough of that nonsense in my time.

Anti-Social Personality Disorder

talk to the hand. that's the tagline for my PsychOne FOC group (along with our hand mascot that looks macham like some traffic sign).

anyway. camp's over. and as usual, i missed the overnight bonding session *damn* but i'll say this - i think i'm closer to my group this year than bananas last year (no disrespect to those guys).

being the videomancer for psychOne was fun lah i admit. but it meant i didn't get to hang out with my group much. then again, there's lots of footage of the anti-social people (i'm referring to my group, not their characters - though they seemed to be living up to their names on day 1) so that's cool. ASPD will get special edition CD (i think).

just kinda worried about C lah... last day of camp and she was worrying about budget stuff etc. the poor gal had a breakdown of sorts i think (or just needed to release at least). but even then... hang in there ok C?

Pork...

Ok... 1 camp down. another to go. and so we can move on to today's topic...

Pork. or rather, mince pork VS bah kwa. it's gotta be the stupidest suanning "serve-and-volley" (wah macham tennis like that) rally that's been going on between me and S (i still say you should be the bah kwa cos you're darker). and basically all this started cos someone (NOT me) said that she felt like a pig for sleeping so much (hence the references to mince pork coming out - this suanning was actually a recycle of a really old one). God knows where the bah kwa idea came from (probably in retaliation). and no, i'm not more 'suitable' to be bah kwa because i'm not born in the year of the pig (HAHA!).

i can't believe i'm blogging about this. i think i've been infected by S (who's always claimed she never knows when to shut up) - chris seems to have contracted crap-talkingitis.

p.s. kiddo, if you get to read this.... suan me back (if you can). i need 'entertainment' (don't get me wrong. in trying to suan me S makes a better target. it sounds mean, but what the hey). wahahahahahaha

A tale of 2 camps

you know... its funny how when faced with 2 exactly similar scenarios you can feel so different about them. and like the title suggests, its about 2 camps i'll be attending 1 week after another.

The Next Stage Retreat (23-25 Jun, 3D 2N)

this one's for church. kind of a retreat for tertiary students. i'm actually in charge of planning games for this one (unbelievable right?). and yet, somehow it just doesn't excite me. i'm just waiting to get it over and done with. which is weird cos i haven't been doing much lately anyway, so i shouldn't feel tired or anything.

PyschOne - Genesis (4-6 July, 3D 2N)

this one's for psychology. Freshmen Orientation Camp no less. and to excuse the pun, i'm more "pysched-up" for this one. don't ask me why (i think its because there's more excitement in the whole thing). so far its the trial runs which have made my life interesting, giving me stuff to look forward to in the weeks as they pass (wargames, sentosa, then fright night on friday).

the thoughts in question:

so which brings me back to the question: how can i feel so differently about camps where i have perhaps equal levels of involvement? honestly speaking, the games for TNS retreat have left me a little demoralised. just when i got everything down nicely (or at least i thought i did), along they come and tell me that it might have to be toned down some more. talk about a dampener. i think i just feel like crap about the whole thing because all i've been faced with is the "you can't do this, you shouldn't do that" approach. at times i've seriously considered just telling them i want to up and leave. but that's irresponsible and i've seen where those kind of actions end up.

on to PsychOne. i'm really fired up for that (maybe cos it means i can hang out with my friends from school). i really look forward to the trials and everything (even volunteered to help with payment collection this sat). maybe its the approach that's taken towards it - relaxed, fun and open. but that's an orientation camp for you. so much different from a retreat.

i dunno. i really don't. can't understand why i'm feeling like that (towards TNS especially). i know i should be more excited about it, more fired up.... but instead i'm just feeling... flat.

DYING (of boredom)...

you know, its been 1 month into the hols. and i'm dead BORED. pretty much spent every single day at home (except maybe weekends and arts open house preparations) . there's only so much computer games you can play before it gets to you don't ya think?

and because of this boredom i'm actually picking up 'jobs' - videos i mean. and i have a sneaking suspicion its gonna be like last year all over again - a whole month of boredom followed by a month or 2 of insanity when EVERYTHING kicks in at the same time (by which i'll be cursing, swearing and banging my head against the wall for taking on stuff).

quite sad right? when your existence revolves around your computer and msn? the only thing looking forward to are the camps. i can't believe i'm actually looking forward to the start of school (i guess cos apart from school i have zero social life).

hoooboy... i'm just waiting for friday (for FOC trial run) to come soon...

Wedding bells are ringing (they're definitely not mine)

in a period of 2 weeks, i'm attending 2 weddings - 1 week after another, and both in church. MY church. its funny how only when things like this happen do you realise how 'old' you are - especially when its your FRIENDS who are getting married. friends who are just about maybe 3, 4, 5 years older than you? most of the time it just makes me go 'WOW'.

often i've never expected this kind of time to come - when your peers start getting married. and when the frequency increases you begin to look around at the couples and start playing the guessing game of 'who's next'.

another weird thing is how you have to adapt the mentality of them being 'boyfriend and girlfriend' to 'husband and wife'. i don't know if its just me, but i find it a little difficult to try and change my mindset of the change in the relationship. ridiculous i know, but i guess its cos the perception was hard-wired into me.

but anyway, congrats to J and LC on their wedding. on finally tying the knot to formalise a 9-year BF-GF relationship (i kid you not. things like this never happen very often). and thanks for letting me be a part of it.

Better than any internship / attachment experience. definitely.

well it's been an exciting weekend (an exciting friday in particular). had something major going down at my place. no, it wasn't a party. but it was big. and i do mean BIG. want to know exactly what it is, well wait till sometime next month or so, when the TV ad for NUS biz school gets aired. then i'll explain if you decide to ask.

but yeah, it definitely was an experience. to see how things get done. not to mention all the nitty-gritty details that go into the whole long, exhausting process. who knew that it could be so difficult (certainly not me)?

but it was great to see them in action really. to see how far you really have to go and do what it takes to make it come out right, even though people may not like it much. i don't think i would've traded this hands-on thing for any attachment (well maybe if it was a gaming firm). and on top of that, i have an internship / attachment 'guarantee' (more like option really) if i'm crazy enough to enter this field.

if you're really wondering what this obscure post is REALLY about, just ASK. and maybe (only maybe) i'll let you know. hahahahaha

totally stupid thought of the day (and other unrelated nonsense

well. it's about a week late for the announcement, but yeah... my exams are OVER (see this is the result of bumming. everything LAGS...)

anyway, great revelation (and source of entertainment for chris): I CAN PLAY WINNING ELEVEN 8 ON MY LAPTOP!!!! *cue angels and hallejuah chorus*

ok for the unitiated, winning 11 is THE best soccer game on the PS and XBox (EA sports' FIFA just can't quite match up). anyway, i actually bought the game DVD for computers a while back but thanks to a memory shortage (if you can call 512 MB ram a shortage), the game lagged like MAD. so now that i have upgraded to 1GB (yes, 1 GB of RAM)... the game plays pretty fine, especially with the joypads i bought.

speaking of which, you shoulda seen the look on my bro's face when i told him i got it to work. that i tell you, was CLASSIC. without a doubt (and of course the first thing he did was borrow the laptop for the night. DoTA is OUT. WINNING ELEVEN is IN).

i'm free and i'm bored (well not so bored since i've got my game to keep me company - indication that i don't have much of a life). so people... CALL ME OUT or whatever. oh, and i've got a few 'special projects' to work on.

incidentally, its been 1 year since i started working on the LASIK surgery book with my uncle. and it's only just in print (so i doubt he's gonna begin writing on on cataracts like he said the last time round. hey, you can't blame my uncle for thinking BIG.). *diaow* but then again, no one said that publishing was easy. so there goes a potential holiday job (and the $$ that comes with it).

maybe if i feel like it i'll actually post up a to-do list for the next 3 months (weird cos the last to-do list i posted was for schoolwork and that was a killer).... but we'll see...

WOOOOOOHOOOO!!!! IT'S ALL DONE!!!! ok only ALMOST done...

wahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! I've FINISHED ALL MY ASSIGNMENTS!!!! *laughs maniacally*

*ahem* ok, excuse that insane outburst. its just that for those of you who know, my deadlines were crazy coming into this week. and if anybody wants a recap:

1. GEK 1036 report - D-O-N-E!!!!
2. NM2208 storybook - D-O-N-E!!!
3. NM3216 design document - D-O-N-E!!!
4. NM2218 essay - D-O-N-E!!! (in 3 hours at that)
5. NM2208 portfolio - D-O-N... ok no not quite done *damn*

ok so i confess... there's one more thing left to finish up. and its due next fri. I want to finish the damn thing asap. otherwise i can't study properly (i so cannot believe i'm saying this).

horror of horrors: exams in 8 days *cue scary music*

I'm on assignment.

ok don't take the title literally. it does NOT mean that i'm lying / sitting / sleeping on my homework. just my way of saying i'm out filming (and no, i do not consider it a chore, or a job - most of the time anyway).

but its been fun. something new i've come to love working on (well not really 'love', but have sufficient interest to be willing to do it for people - you get the idea).

someone asked if i would consider going professional. but no. this is a hobby, a fun thing. i'm not so crazy about filming to the point i don't mind getting up every day and thinking it a means of making a living. no, that thought didn't cross my mind at all. because i know that taking that route is not somewhere i want to go.

but as a true 'professional', i've got myself a 'portfolio' of sorts, ranging from an advertisement for an assignment to a birthday video for a friend. and well, much as you guys have thanked me for videoing stuff, i gotta thank you for giving me the opportunity to do my filming and editing. don't think i would've gotten this far otherwise.

Run Screaming in panic

ARGHARGHARGHARGHARGH.... have just gotten my timelines and deadlines sorted out. and they do NOT look good. not at all.

in 1 week: Cross Cultural Comm and Discourse TEST

in 2 weeks: Cross Cultural Comm and Discourse PRESENTATION

in 3 weeks: Intro to gaming TERM PAPER
Priniciples of Visual Comm STORYBOOK
Cross Cultural Comm and Discourse REPORT
Gaming Culture PROJECT

wah kao. CONFIRM DIE LAH. die until cannot die anymore. ARGHARGHARGHARGHARGH

*runs screaming in panic*

New song...

here's a song i picked up while doing a friend's birthday video. i think its really cool. try and listen to it if you can... its one of those sentimental songs (even though it sounds really rock).

"Photograph" by Nickelback

Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red?
And what the hell is on Joey’s head?

This is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up
I never knew we ever went without
The second floor is hard for sneakin’ out

This is where I went to school
Most of the time had better things to do
Criminal record says I broke in twice
I must’ve done it half a dozen times

I wonder if it’s too late
Should I go back and try to graduate
Life’s better now than it was back then
If I was them, I wouldn’t let me in

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It’s hard to say
It’s time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for

It's hard to say
It’s time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye

Remember the old arcade
Blew every dollar that we ever made
The cops hated us hangin’ out
They say somebody went and burned it down

We used to listen to the radio
And sing along with every song we’d know
We said someday we’d find out how it feels
To sing to more than just the steering wheel

Kim’s the first girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed
She’s had a couple of kids since then
I haven’t seen her since God knows when

I miss that town
I miss their faces
You can’t erase
You can’t replace it
I miss it now
I can’t believe it
So hard to stay
Too hard to leave it
If I could relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change

Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
Every time I do it makes me

I wanna...

for some strange reason lately i've been rather irritable, easily agitated, depressed, angry and all-round explosive.

can't pin-point an exact reason. i think its more of a cumulative thing, the anger especially (and those who know me well enough, when chris has unresolved / accumulated anger, then that's dangerous shit - for the person who's on the receiving end of it anyway). but since chris is such a NICE guy, nobody is gonna 'get it' (or so we hope).

which also kinda explains the nick for my msn. since all the above-mentioned feelings exist, i just want the license to act like a complete bastard (i.e. no accountability, release, piss people off without the need for consequences, swear like nobody's business - you get the idea). unfortunately (or is it fortunately), that will most probably not happen.

perhaps its frustration pent up from god knows when. probably a cummulative thing too. gotta find a way to release it sooner or later, without resorting to beating seven kinds of shit out of someone (then again, it depends who's getting the seven kinds of shit being beaten out of them).

Portfolio?

hmm... NM2208 is turning out to be pretty fun. and i feel the need to compile all my work. to an online portfolio kinda thing you know? i mean, of course there's the hard copy portfolio (which i doubt i'll get back unless on request) but that's for assessment.

so... should i put my not-so-fantastic looking stuff online? drop me a message.

Hitting the Half-way mark

OMG its mid-sem already?! can't imagine 6 weeks of school have already gone by.

so far here's what's been done:

1. 2 assignments for NM2208 (i so swear that i'm gonna become some photoshop / freehand whiz after this sem)

2. NM3216 project 1 (due tomorrow incidentally).

3. oh yes. GEK1036 proposal (done 2 weeks ahead of schedule by accident wouldya believe)

so that leaves me with:

2 more 3216 projects

4 more 2208 assignments

2 2218 term papers

1 2218 presentation

1 1036 lit review

1 1036 main report

1 1036 presentation

1 1036 test

and of course... 3 exams (1036 IS non-examinable after all)

i am SOOO not relishing post midsem break period.

Puzzled...

hmm... there's something i've been brooding (ok maybe brooding isn't the best of words, but it'll have to do for the time being) on the fact that there's people who know me (and yet i can't recognise them).

take wednesday for instance. i was walking with C from the canteen back to 1036, then there was this person who (apparently) waved to me (hey i'm not saying its a bad thing ok, i just found it a little unusual cos i didn't recognise). being the slightly underconfident person i am, i thought maybe (or highly probably) that person was waving to someone else, so i kinda shrugged it off (i also thought my mind wasn't very sharp considering the lecture was putting me to sleep).

so i didn't think much of it till later in the day, when the SAME person waved to me AGAIN when i was at THE TABLE. now i thought THAT was a little strange (cos it probably meant that person recognised me from somewhere)... and well, till now i still haven't figured out who. unfortunately my memory isn't the best when it comes to names and faces, so i can't quite recognise who that person is (frankly its kinda embarrassing).

and yet there's this little lingering doubt - that maybe (just maybe) that person recognised the wrong person, and that i'm not who i was thought to resemble. i mean, i was wearing my usual cap and jacket combination (which i think is a dead giveaway). so that's unlikely that its a case of mistaken identity (or then again it could make a good case for that argument since my features would be concealed).

so anyway, ya. i'm hoping i can figure out who that person is (if i can recognise the person in the first place). and well if you happen to read my blog, you probably know who you are. and well, i apologise if i offended you by not recognising you.

i know this thing shouldn't be bugging me... but well i dunno. i guess things like this make life a little more interesting.

all your table belong to us...

ok a little play on the phrase "all your base belong to us" from a game (i forget which one). anyway... as the post indicates, we had NO TABLE on tues. which was really sad. i don't care if you dissolve the CCA, i don't care if you take down the notice board... but when you take away the table... that's the ultimate (grumbles about all those stupid booths for some v-day bazaar)

on a happier note, i've FINALLY finished the design for my assignment. some people think its DAMN COOL. but hopefully reddy doesn't massacre me (or that i get bad reviews from the class)...

so here it is...

Got (NO) Milk?

ok stupid topic to post about. but i'll do it anyway. i open my fridge and what do i see? a brand of milk my mum's never bought before. considering how i'm one of the most regular consumers of milk at home (ironical since i perpetually seem unable to gain weight), it means that whether its good or bad... its highly likely i'm gonna have to drink it (someone has to). just praying that it doesn't taste like melted vanilla ice-cream (yuck), which one particular brand DOES taste like. and for fresh milk, that's DISGUSTING.

on a different note, i think i'm turning into a techie. just bought myself a video digitiser and a 250GB external hard disk. have set my sights on those sketchpad thingys people use for design (using mouse to draw stuff in photoshop is a bummer). and of course i still need a externally-powered USB hub. sigh. NEED MONEY. wait till vacation after exams. then i can get myself a JOB (this is weird. school's barely started and i'm already planning past the exams). must be the milk.

WHOA SHIT... (to think school's barely started...)

the title says it all. week 2 and already the stuff is piling up. readings i can understand (that's normal). and i figure i WILL be able to finish them (somehow). the scary thing is the projects. so here's a count off of my projects

1. GEK1036 - individual project (80%)
2. NM2208 - 6 weekly assignments + portfolio ( 50%)
3. NM2218 - 1st term paper (10%)
4. NM2218 - 2nd term paper (40%)
5. NM3208 - 1st assignment (15%)
6. NM3208 - 2nd assignment (15%)
7. NM3208 - 3rd assignment (20%)

so that adds up to a total o what? 12 assignments and /or projects... so many of them heavy weightage sia... luckily only taking 4 mods... otherwise CONFIRM die

oh man i feel old(er)...

dunno why, but today i'm just suddenly more aware about my age. ok frankly i'm not THAT old... but age is a relative thing right? in that case i've only got myself to blame if i hang out with people waaay younger (like in church). and the age thing on one hand makes you feel kinda 'out'. i mean, i was one of the oldest at youth camp can you imagine...

maybe i'm starting to be more aware of it cos one of my friends is getting married soon. and he's only 2 years my senior. you know how when you're younger you never thought this time would come so fast (or at least that's what i thought)? the time where you're on the verge of going out to work, finding a job, basically starting anew.

maybe at 22 (going on 23 in a few weeks) thoughts about such things could still be not such immediate worries (since i'm still studying). but the point is that for how much more can i study? at most another 2 years maybe. and then what? i'll be (close to) 25. and still without a decent idea of what to do with the rest of my life.

maybe its just cos i'm aimless. maybe cos i'm insecure. but whatever it is... i feel old(er). not necessarily more mature.

Who Dares Wins.

think of this as the follow up to '1000 points'.

Who Dares Wins. basically its true ain't it? who dares dump the most points gets the module. and that's a shitload of points too. the same 29 buggers fighting for 19 vacancies. no new bidders... just 10 fellas trying to get on the list by raising the next minimum bid (see last post. THAT's why i consider this 1000 points part 2). i thankfully got everything. just a matter of how much i paid for frigging 2208. i paid a frigging 500 times more (at least) than the other people who took the mod last sem. damnit. but since the timetable was built around it...

when you come to think about its sick really. the fact that the whole of CORS is a big gamble. sure you learn to make decisions, come up with contingencies and all that... but the bottom line is that you kill yourself with anxiety (especially if you take modules that are in high demand). you can't help but wonder why there's always so few places available for modules, so much so that we gotta curse and swear and scheme to kill each other (figuratively speaking). i've been pretty lucky so far (the question now is for how long will this keep up). but quite a few of my friends haven't. and i really sympathise with them. REALLY. bad enough there's so much to consider when planning... then top it off with the disappointment of not getting the mods... haiz. and to think all this happens in a top-25 institution that wants to go corporate.

1000 points...

no shit. i dumped 1000 frigging points on a module. i'm seriously beginning to wonder if its really worth it. REALLY. considering my friends got it for 1 last sem (blame it on the fact i have 2300+ points to spend. so call it the 'show hand' theory). NM2208. in deep shit are we.

here's what the points progression was like:

29 Dec AM: 1 point
29 Dec afternoon: 101 point
29 Dec evening: 201 point
29 Dec 11pm: 301 point
30 Dec AM: 301 point
30 Dec noon: 501 point.

should i have bid so much for the module? no point.

p.s. funnily enough i thought the gaming modules might be expensive. turns out i was wrong. at the rate they're going, i can get them for 1 *grin*

results

and yes, like everyone i know, i'm posting about my NUS results. well sorta. kinda. see, i'm not gonna bitch or boast (ironical then isn't it that i'm posting). just that its been pretty ok i guess (and i'm thankful for that). at this rate if my cap does a regular steady increase (which isn't entirely impossible) i should be able to reach honours by... *counts on fingers* year 3 sem 2 (which by when i should've filed for graduation hence making honours option redundant. but what the heck)

updates on my hols...

well... at the start of the hols there was a list of 'to-do' items. and here's a little update:

1. digitise B's concert videos etc (doing in school) - check
2. trip to family court for counselling session (30 Nov) - check
3. YOUTH CAMP IN SENTOSA!!!! (thurs-sun) - check
4. L's birthday on the 9th - check
5. help mum clean up the house? (hmm... i should... but but but...) - check (believe it or not)
6. food hunt on the 17th? - nope.
7. Help out for Christmas? - check
8. DoTA - check
9. DoTA - check
10. DoTA (i'm kidding... too much DoTA is bad for health *grin*) - check

oh... and some other things that came up:

k & c's bbq / chalet thingy - that was good
music min bbq at my place - that was BETTER
youth camp video completed - that was BEST
mission trip videos (to be done from wed-fri) - here we go again
SG5 gathering on the 28th - looking forward to that

By Dose is killing me...

gargh. what a time to get the flu. i'm supposed to be off to youth camp tomorrow... and now, i'm SICK.....

to top it off, we got amazing race from church to camp (at sentosa). GARGH. sick how to go?!!! die lah die lah....

ARGH ARGH ARGH ARGH ARGH

FREEEEEEEEEEDOM!!!!

Over. Finished. THE END.

my exams are OVER!!!!!! bwahahahahahahahahahaha

so now what's next?

1. digitise B's concert videos etc (doing in school)
2. trip to family court for counselling session (tomorrow afternoon)
3. YOUTH CAMP IN SENTOSA!!!! (thurs-sun)
4. L's birthday on the 9th
5. help mum clean up the house? (hmm... i should... but but but...)
6. food hunt on the 17th?
7. Help out for Christmas?
8. DoTA
9. DoTA
10. DoTA (i'm kidding... too much DoTA is bad for health *grin*)

Library Critical Mass Theory

Critical Mass Theory you may ask? well... let me explain...

ever had the feeling that there're just too many people in the library and you can no longer study there (hence deciding to move to somewhere else)? well, that's the basis for Library Critical Mass Theory.

Theory:

a library, though having an extremely large capacity, can only hold only so many people studying (which we i'll refer to as the critical mass). The critical mass often is less than maximum capacity of the library (or any other study area for that matter), the value being a percentage of the library's maximum capacity

so when the studying population EXCEEDS the an area's critical mass, the people who have low distraction tolerance quotient (most likely to be affected by changes in study environment) will begin to leave and probably search for somewhere else to study, as they find it increasingly difficult to do productive work there. This movement of high distraction quotient people (which can be considered a form of diffusion) will continue till the studying population is below critical mass.

thus critical mass can be expressed in the following formula:

critical mass = studying population / total capacity * distraction tolerance quotient

criticisms:

The problems with this theory is that critical mass is not an exact value per se, but is dependent very much on the individual's distraction tolerance quotient (how else would people decide to up and leave?). Also, this quotient is adjustable, and often the tolerance increases as exams get closer (thereby possibly leading to an increase in what they would consider 'critical mass' value). based on this there is only a very remote possiblity that studying population would be equal to total capacity. but that is likely to occur in worst case scenarios.

p.s. my exams aren't THAT far away, and i'm no genius, but its good to spout convincing / impressive bullshit once in a while doncha think?

Can it get any worse?

out of the frying pan and into the fire. all 6 projects finally wrapped up (and good riddance to them too). but... that just means that the exams are upon us... *cue scary music and people screaming*

well... slacker that i am, due to the wonders of peer pressure, i have been forced (and really, i do mean forced) to mug... something i've never quite done before entering uni. its not helping that this year's freshmen are raising the kiasu quotient, which is pushing everyone else above their normal comfort level.

but anyhows, let's just get through the exams people... then after that we've got a good month's worth of hols (or thereabouts anyway).

Projects are driving me CRAZY...

gah... i'm down to the last 3 projects for the sem i so swear that they are driving me NUTS.

how do i know?

1. the minute anyone mentions 'fast, effective and soothing relief' (or any 2 of those 3 words) in a single sentence i'm reminded of my stupid tiger balm project for advertising. believe it or not, conditioned response. it ALSO reminds me that computers used for editing videos in the labs have a thing against me (particulary those at the lab at YIH). i think i'm the only person ever to encounter a million and one UNIQUE problems (apparently all the errors i 'produce' have never been encountered by any other users). how many other people possibly need SOMEONE ELSE to press the buttons for them and convert the file for fear of encountering errors if i did it myself? (i'm still in disbelief)

2. anyone who mentions interaction in relation to poking gets me thinking about BOTH my projects for NM2217. because poking as input are related to both. granted the first one's over, but the programming for the second is driving me (and possibly my lecturer) bananas. me because i can't make the program do what i want, him because i keep bugging him to help me make the program do what i want.

3. birth rates and pregnancy. never, and i mean NEVER mention anything to me vaguely hinting about birth rates and the like. because it will remind me about my NM2101 project on theories. which i was the compiler.

ARGH ARGH ARGH ARGH ARGH... this is SICK. barely a week or so left till the reading week (and the end of classes officially) and i'm STILL working on those #%%&$$#%# projects. ARGH ARGH ARGH...

stupid projects... #$&*^$#^#$@

Er... now what?

right now, i'm feeling a bit lost. i've just finished a project (meaning i'm now down to 3 from the original 6 - WOOHOO!!!). the problem now is that i don't know what to do. i've spent the last few days on the project and now... nothing. i know i should be ecstatic that i've got 1 less thing to worry about, but now it's just a matter of 'what comes next'... what DOES come next?

well there's filming on thursday... but apart from that...

Stepping up...

"When the game's on the line they'll step up". The "game" here referring to the cause. apparently i was proven wrong. They didn't. and that's why it didn't go through. and now the poor 19th has to work it out all again. props to you guys, really. there's a lot of effort put in, a lot of time spent, and to have to do it all over again is just terrible.

but like i've always said... if you need me just let me know.