truly it can be said that when it rains, it pours. and that when it pours, it floods. damn i feel like i'm a mess - have to sort all the goddam thinking out.
doesn't help that mum keeps having a go at me everytime about her perrenial number1 issue. and i HATE it. absolutely positively HATE it. does she know what it really means when she starts saying all that (sometimes i think she damn welll does, but says it anyway). yeah sure she says we got the choice and all that (but it damn hell seems like we don't). doesn't she ever stop and wonder if she's trying to live her dream through us (and trust me this is not something easy to live through). aw f*#% even she got it wrong. more incentive for me to remain at my current status. cos she'll never let me live it down if i screw it up - she'll nag on and on and i'll never hear the end of it. when C said it was like a death sentence over my head, she got it spot on. i never looked at it that way, but effectively that's what it is.
it just goes on and on and on and on and f^$#%#$ on.... and she always thinks she's right. and perfect and god knows what else. bloody hell, it even drives my sis mad (you know its bad when your sis tells you she loves school for the sole fact that it means seeing less of mum). that's it, when school starts, either i get myself a 5-day or stay till 6 on the days i have class. anything to get out of the damn house. God it's disgusting to think like this, but that's how i really feel.
apparently i think too much about things. which is bad. cos then it gives me unnecessary worries and stress. aw dammit i really am a mess.
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