rare CORS experience

here's something you don't see everyday... 27 vacancies, 1 bid (which happens to be me by the way). where the heck is everyone?

bad weather

truly it can be said that when it rains, it pours. and that when it pours, it floods. damn i feel like i'm a mess - have to sort all the goddam thinking out.

doesn't help that mum keeps having a go at me everytime about her perrenial number1 issue. and i HATE it. absolutely positively HATE it. does she know what it really means when she starts saying all that (sometimes i think she damn welll does, but says it anyway). yeah sure she says we got the choice and all that (but it damn hell seems like we don't). doesn't she ever stop and wonder if she's trying to live her dream through us (and trust me this is not something easy to live through). aw f*#% even she got it wrong. more incentive for me to remain at my current status. cos she'll never let me live it down if i screw it up - she'll nag on and on and i'll never hear the end of it. when C said it was like a death sentence over my head, she got it spot on. i never looked at it that way, but effectively that's what it is.

it just goes on and on and on and on and f^$#%#$ on.... and she always thinks she's right. and perfect and god knows what else. bloody hell, it even drives my sis mad (you know its bad when your sis tells you she loves school for the sole fact that it means seeing less of mum). that's it, when school starts, either i get myself a 5-day or stay till 6 on the days i have class. anything to get out of the damn house. God it's disgusting to think like this, but that's how i really feel.

apparently i think too much about things. which is bad. cos then it gives me unnecessary worries and stress. aw dammit i really am a mess.

argh argh argh argh argh...

3 days till the 'big bang' on saturday. on one hand i don't want it to come (cos it means finality and closure) and on the other i just want it over and done with (cos of the pre-party anxiety). but the biggest question on my mind now is: where is JK? seriously?

ok fine so she's got her attachment and all that (that i can't begrudge her). but its been awfully quiet. frankly i didn't expect to end up being involved to this extent - all i did was say that the guys could use my place. and now, it seems to have all gone a little.... metaphysical (to quote Terry Pratchett).

not that i wanna bitch about it, just that the original idea was hers. and then right now it looks like everyone else is just picking up the pieces and trying to fit the thing back together (i wonder what'd happen if it'd been at SGs place rather than mine - that was first option after all). in all honesty, i don't know. cos if the rest of them (and props to them for doing it) hadn't stepped in, i think this whole thing would've fizzled out.

if we had more time (and more organisation), maybe (just maybe) a bbq would still be feasible. but look at the stuff everyone's involved in. its not that easy. i'm sorry i didn't mention to you guys directly yesterday, but do you know how helpless its gonna feel if the phototaking went through? ZS has camp, JK has work, everyone else involved in phototaking (leaving just G and me to settle the food). much as i hate to say it i know its true. if everything goes well, nothing really gets said. if it bombs, everyone'll bitch (i know i would).

i'm thankful for ZS and A stepping in to help. REALLY. cos without them, this thing would've fizzled out a LONG time ago (God knows how many times i've felt like "Argh this isn't going anywhere. screw the whole thing.")

i just hate the insecurity and uncertainty of the whole thing. its crazy shit. and at the end of this post i come back to the question: where is JK?

ignorance is bliss?

i don't know how true it is to you... but don't you think that some things are better left unknown? granted its nice to know what other people are thinking, but at the same time that knowledge seems to bring with it other things.

all i'm hoping for is that things don't change.

sc-sc-sc-SCANDAL!!!! and no.39...

well. it appears the pig scandal is causing more concern than expected. which isn't necessarily a bad thing since SCD (in the process of this whole thing) realises there's actually a lot of people who care about her, worried that she'll get hurt or "taken along for a ride" (makes me sound like scum of the earth, no?). anyway if you guys really knew me, you'd know i'm better than that.

but frankly, i think about it this way - since when does a guy so READILY admit about this kind of thing (i always had the impression it was like trying to squeeze water from a rock)? well, unless maybe you're tom cruise and like jumping on Oprah's couch. there're always the 'indicators' (such as 'no. 39' among others), that sometimes people read into (especially read TOO MUCH into... shameless lah the whole lot of you.... totally SHAMELESS).

apparently the impression i have is that the pig scandal is HUGE... in the sense of it being both a huge concern, and it being big news (like i said, its good for SCD to know that there's so many people who care).

well, i'm not saying anything (unless you ask upfront). think what you like (i'm not gonna stop you). and you know what, i think one of the reasons people are a little worried is this. its a very common scenario, very familiar to most (a friend once said... the army - the dividing force). the similarities and 'signs' abound. but that's just what they are... similarities and 'signs'. and that's why i hate people to assume things (speculation is a dangerous thing. you want to know, ask straight up lah. scared of what... aiyoh *shakes head*).

well of course i'm guilty of not clarifying things, but like i said - you don't ask, how i know what you want to find out? and 'paiseh to ask' is NOT an acceptable answer.

P.S. SCD i hope you don't mind about me posting all this. but we've had 'the talk' right? so things should be fine.

P.P.S oh and personally, i think that the 'vicious cycle isn't as much the girl's fault as it seems. NS is where guys get influenced and learn to do stupid stuff (by their GF's definitions) that can jeopardise the relationship. and another thing - in all seriousness, i'd take choice 2 any day (proves SCD right doesn't it? i'm 'special')... i don't believe in 'completing the cycle' - i've seen enough of that nonsense in my time.

Anti-Social Personality Disorder

talk to the hand. that's the tagline for my PsychOne FOC group (along with our hand mascot that looks macham like some traffic sign).

anyway. camp's over. and as usual, i missed the overnight bonding session *damn* but i'll say this - i think i'm closer to my group this year than bananas last year (no disrespect to those guys).

being the videomancer for psychOne was fun lah i admit. but it meant i didn't get to hang out with my group much. then again, there's lots of footage of the anti-social people (i'm referring to my group, not their characters - though they seemed to be living up to their names on day 1) so that's cool. ASPD will get special edition CD (i think).

just kinda worried about C lah... last day of camp and she was worrying about budget stuff etc. the poor gal had a breakdown of sorts i think (or just needed to release at least). but even then... hang in there ok C?

Pork...

Ok... 1 camp down. another to go. and so we can move on to today's topic...

Pork. or rather, mince pork VS bah kwa. it's gotta be the stupidest suanning "serve-and-volley" (wah macham tennis like that) rally that's been going on between me and S (i still say you should be the bah kwa cos you're darker). and basically all this started cos someone (NOT me) said that she felt like a pig for sleeping so much (hence the references to mince pork coming out - this suanning was actually a recycle of a really old one). God knows where the bah kwa idea came from (probably in retaliation). and no, i'm not more 'suitable' to be bah kwa because i'm not born in the year of the pig (HAHA!).

i can't believe i'm blogging about this. i think i've been infected by S (who's always claimed she never knows when to shut up) - chris seems to have contracted crap-talkingitis.

p.s. kiddo, if you get to read this.... suan me back (if you can). i need 'entertainment' (don't get me wrong. in trying to suan me S makes a better target. it sounds mean, but what the hey). wahahahahahaha

A tale of 2 camps

you know... its funny how when faced with 2 exactly similar scenarios you can feel so different about them. and like the title suggests, its about 2 camps i'll be attending 1 week after another.

The Next Stage Retreat (23-25 Jun, 3D 2N)

this one's for church. kind of a retreat for tertiary students. i'm actually in charge of planning games for this one (unbelievable right?). and yet, somehow it just doesn't excite me. i'm just waiting to get it over and done with. which is weird cos i haven't been doing much lately anyway, so i shouldn't feel tired or anything.

PyschOne - Genesis (4-6 July, 3D 2N)

this one's for psychology. Freshmen Orientation Camp no less. and to excuse the pun, i'm more "pysched-up" for this one. don't ask me why (i think its because there's more excitement in the whole thing). so far its the trial runs which have made my life interesting, giving me stuff to look forward to in the weeks as they pass (wargames, sentosa, then fright night on friday).

the thoughts in question:

so which brings me back to the question: how can i feel so differently about camps where i have perhaps equal levels of involvement? honestly speaking, the games for TNS retreat have left me a little demoralised. just when i got everything down nicely (or at least i thought i did), along they come and tell me that it might have to be toned down some more. talk about a dampener. i think i just feel like crap about the whole thing because all i've been faced with is the "you can't do this, you shouldn't do that" approach. at times i've seriously considered just telling them i want to up and leave. but that's irresponsible and i've seen where those kind of actions end up.

on to PsychOne. i'm really fired up for that (maybe cos it means i can hang out with my friends from school). i really look forward to the trials and everything (even volunteered to help with payment collection this sat). maybe its the approach that's taken towards it - relaxed, fun and open. but that's an orientation camp for you. so much different from a retreat.

i dunno. i really don't. can't understand why i'm feeling like that (towards TNS especially). i know i should be more excited about it, more fired up.... but instead i'm just feeling... flat.

DYING (of boredom)...

you know, its been 1 month into the hols. and i'm dead BORED. pretty much spent every single day at home (except maybe weekends and arts open house preparations) . there's only so much computer games you can play before it gets to you don't ya think?

and because of this boredom i'm actually picking up 'jobs' - videos i mean. and i have a sneaking suspicion its gonna be like last year all over again - a whole month of boredom followed by a month or 2 of insanity when EVERYTHING kicks in at the same time (by which i'll be cursing, swearing and banging my head against the wall for taking on stuff).

quite sad right? when your existence revolves around your computer and msn? the only thing looking forward to are the camps. i can't believe i'm actually looking forward to the start of school (i guess cos apart from school i have zero social life).

hoooboy... i'm just waiting for friday (for FOC trial run) to come soon...

Wedding bells are ringing (they're definitely not mine)

in a period of 2 weeks, i'm attending 2 weddings - 1 week after another, and both in church. MY church. its funny how only when things like this happen do you realise how 'old' you are - especially when its your FRIENDS who are getting married. friends who are just about maybe 3, 4, 5 years older than you? most of the time it just makes me go 'WOW'.

often i've never expected this kind of time to come - when your peers start getting married. and when the frequency increases you begin to look around at the couples and start playing the guessing game of 'who's next'.

another weird thing is how you have to adapt the mentality of them being 'boyfriend and girlfriend' to 'husband and wife'. i don't know if its just me, but i find it a little difficult to try and change my mindset of the change in the relationship. ridiculous i know, but i guess its cos the perception was hard-wired into me.

but anyway, congrats to J and LC on their wedding. on finally tying the knot to formalise a 9-year BF-GF relationship (i kid you not. things like this never happen very often). and thanks for letting me be a part of it.

Better than any internship / attachment experience. definitely.

well it's been an exciting weekend (an exciting friday in particular). had something major going down at my place. no, it wasn't a party. but it was big. and i do mean BIG. want to know exactly what it is, well wait till sometime next month or so, when the TV ad for NUS biz school gets aired. then i'll explain if you decide to ask.

but yeah, it definitely was an experience. to see how things get done. not to mention all the nitty-gritty details that go into the whole long, exhausting process. who knew that it could be so difficult (certainly not me)?

but it was great to see them in action really. to see how far you really have to go and do what it takes to make it come out right, even though people may not like it much. i don't think i would've traded this hands-on thing for any attachment (well maybe if it was a gaming firm). and on top of that, i have an internship / attachment 'guarantee' (more like option really) if i'm crazy enough to enter this field.

if you're really wondering what this obscure post is REALLY about, just ASK. and maybe (only maybe) i'll let you know. hahahahaha

totally stupid thought of the day (and other unrelated nonsense

well. it's about a week late for the announcement, but yeah... my exams are OVER (see this is the result of bumming. everything LAGS...)

anyway, great revelation (and source of entertainment for chris): I CAN PLAY WINNING ELEVEN 8 ON MY LAPTOP!!!! *cue angels and hallejuah chorus*

ok for the unitiated, winning 11 is THE best soccer game on the PS and XBox (EA sports' FIFA just can't quite match up). anyway, i actually bought the game DVD for computers a while back but thanks to a memory shortage (if you can call 512 MB ram a shortage), the game lagged like MAD. so now that i have upgraded to 1GB (yes, 1 GB of RAM)... the game plays pretty fine, especially with the joypads i bought.

speaking of which, you shoulda seen the look on my bro's face when i told him i got it to work. that i tell you, was CLASSIC. without a doubt (and of course the first thing he did was borrow the laptop for the night. DoTA is OUT. WINNING ELEVEN is IN).

i'm free and i'm bored (well not so bored since i've got my game to keep me company - indication that i don't have much of a life). so people... CALL ME OUT or whatever. oh, and i've got a few 'special projects' to work on.

incidentally, its been 1 year since i started working on the LASIK surgery book with my uncle. and it's only just in print (so i doubt he's gonna begin writing on on cataracts like he said the last time round. hey, you can't blame my uncle for thinking BIG.). *diaow* but then again, no one said that publishing was easy. so there goes a potential holiday job (and the $$ that comes with it).

maybe if i feel like it i'll actually post up a to-do list for the next 3 months (weird cos the last to-do list i posted was for schoolwork and that was a killer).... but we'll see...

WOOOOOOHOOOO!!!! IT'S ALL DONE!!!! ok only ALMOST done...

wahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! I've FINISHED ALL MY ASSIGNMENTS!!!! *laughs maniacally*

*ahem* ok, excuse that insane outburst. its just that for those of you who know, my deadlines were crazy coming into this week. and if anybody wants a recap:

1. GEK 1036 report - D-O-N-E!!!!
2. NM2208 storybook - D-O-N-E!!!
3. NM3216 design document - D-O-N-E!!!
4. NM2218 essay - D-O-N-E!!! (in 3 hours at that)
5. NM2208 portfolio - D-O-N... ok no not quite done *damn*

ok so i confess... there's one more thing left to finish up. and its due next fri. I want to finish the damn thing asap. otherwise i can't study properly (i so cannot believe i'm saying this).

horror of horrors: exams in 8 days *cue scary music*

I'm on assignment.

ok don't take the title literally. it does NOT mean that i'm lying / sitting / sleeping on my homework. just my way of saying i'm out filming (and no, i do not consider it a chore, or a job - most of the time anyway).

but its been fun. something new i've come to love working on (well not really 'love', but have sufficient interest to be willing to do it for people - you get the idea).

someone asked if i would consider going professional. but no. this is a hobby, a fun thing. i'm not so crazy about filming to the point i don't mind getting up every day and thinking it a means of making a living. no, that thought didn't cross my mind at all. because i know that taking that route is not somewhere i want to go.

but as a true 'professional', i've got myself a 'portfolio' of sorts, ranging from an advertisement for an assignment to a birthday video for a friend. and well, much as you guys have thanked me for videoing stuff, i gotta thank you for giving me the opportunity to do my filming and editing. don't think i would've gotten this far otherwise.

Run Screaming in panic

ARGHARGHARGHARGHARGH.... have just gotten my timelines and deadlines sorted out. and they do NOT look good. not at all.

in 1 week: Cross Cultural Comm and Discourse TEST

in 2 weeks: Cross Cultural Comm and Discourse PRESENTATION

in 3 weeks: Intro to gaming TERM PAPER
Priniciples of Visual Comm STORYBOOK
Cross Cultural Comm and Discourse REPORT
Gaming Culture PROJECT

wah kao. CONFIRM DIE LAH. die until cannot die anymore. ARGHARGHARGHARGHARGH

*runs screaming in panic*

New song...

here's a song i picked up while doing a friend's birthday video. i think its really cool. try and listen to it if you can... its one of those sentimental songs (even though it sounds really rock).

"Photograph" by Nickelback

Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red?
And what the hell is on Joey’s head?

This is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up
I never knew we ever went without
The second floor is hard for sneakin’ out

This is where I went to school
Most of the time had better things to do
Criminal record says I broke in twice
I must’ve done it half a dozen times

I wonder if it’s too late
Should I go back and try to graduate
Life’s better now than it was back then
If I was them, I wouldn’t let me in

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It’s hard to say
It’s time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for

It's hard to say
It’s time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye

Remember the old arcade
Blew every dollar that we ever made
The cops hated us hangin’ out
They say somebody went and burned it down

We used to listen to the radio
And sing along with every song we’d know
We said someday we’d find out how it feels
To sing to more than just the steering wheel

Kim’s the first girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed
She’s had a couple of kids since then
I haven’t seen her since God knows when

I miss that town
I miss their faces
You can’t erase
You can’t replace it
I miss it now
I can’t believe it
So hard to stay
Too hard to leave it
If I could relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change

Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
Every time I do it makes me

I wanna...

for some strange reason lately i've been rather irritable, easily agitated, depressed, angry and all-round explosive.

can't pin-point an exact reason. i think its more of a cumulative thing, the anger especially (and those who know me well enough, when chris has unresolved / accumulated anger, then that's dangerous shit - for the person who's on the receiving end of it anyway). but since chris is such a NICE guy, nobody is gonna 'get it' (or so we hope).

which also kinda explains the nick for my msn. since all the above-mentioned feelings exist, i just want the license to act like a complete bastard (i.e. no accountability, release, piss people off without the need for consequences, swear like nobody's business - you get the idea). unfortunately (or is it fortunately), that will most probably not happen.

perhaps its frustration pent up from god knows when. probably a cummulative thing too. gotta find a way to release it sooner or later, without resorting to beating seven kinds of shit out of someone (then again, it depends who's getting the seven kinds of shit being beaten out of them).

Portfolio?

hmm... NM2208 is turning out to be pretty fun. and i feel the need to compile all my work. to an online portfolio kinda thing you know? i mean, of course there's the hard copy portfolio (which i doubt i'll get back unless on request) but that's for assessment.

so... should i put my not-so-fantastic looking stuff online? drop me a message.

Hitting the Half-way mark

OMG its mid-sem already?! can't imagine 6 weeks of school have already gone by.

so far here's what's been done:

1. 2 assignments for NM2208 (i so swear that i'm gonna become some photoshop / freehand whiz after this sem)

2. NM3216 project 1 (due tomorrow incidentally).

3. oh yes. GEK1036 proposal (done 2 weeks ahead of schedule by accident wouldya believe)

so that leaves me with:

2 more 3216 projects

4 more 2208 assignments

2 2218 term papers

1 2218 presentation

1 1036 lit review

1 1036 main report

1 1036 presentation

1 1036 test

and of course... 3 exams (1036 IS non-examinable after all)

i am SOOO not relishing post midsem break period.

Puzzled...

hmm... there's something i've been brooding (ok maybe brooding isn't the best of words, but it'll have to do for the time being) on the fact that there's people who know me (and yet i can't recognise them).

take wednesday for instance. i was walking with C from the canteen back to 1036, then there was this person who (apparently) waved to me (hey i'm not saying its a bad thing ok, i just found it a little unusual cos i didn't recognise). being the slightly underconfident person i am, i thought maybe (or highly probably) that person was waving to someone else, so i kinda shrugged it off (i also thought my mind wasn't very sharp considering the lecture was putting me to sleep).

so i didn't think much of it till later in the day, when the SAME person waved to me AGAIN when i was at THE TABLE. now i thought THAT was a little strange (cos it probably meant that person recognised me from somewhere)... and well, till now i still haven't figured out who. unfortunately my memory isn't the best when it comes to names and faces, so i can't quite recognise who that person is (frankly its kinda embarrassing).

and yet there's this little lingering doubt - that maybe (just maybe) that person recognised the wrong person, and that i'm not who i was thought to resemble. i mean, i was wearing my usual cap and jacket combination (which i think is a dead giveaway). so that's unlikely that its a case of mistaken identity (or then again it could make a good case for that argument since my features would be concealed).

so anyway, ya. i'm hoping i can figure out who that person is (if i can recognise the person in the first place). and well if you happen to read my blog, you probably know who you are. and well, i apologise if i offended you by not recognising you.

i know this thing shouldn't be bugging me... but well i dunno. i guess things like this make life a little more interesting.