here's something you don't see everyday... 27 vacancies, 1 bid (which happens to be me by the way). where the heck is everyone?
Monday, July 31, 2006
rare CORS experience
here's something you don't see everyday... 27 vacancies, 1 bid (which happens to be me by the way). where the heck is everyone?
Thursday, July 20, 2006
bad weather
truly it can be said that when it rains, it pours. and that when it pours, it floods. damn i feel like i'm a mess - have to sort all the goddam thinking out.
doesn't help that mum keeps having a go at me everytime about her perrenial number1 issue. and i HATE it. absolutely positively HATE it. does she know what it really means when she starts saying all that (sometimes i think she damn welll does, but says it anyway). yeah sure she says we got the choice and all that (but it damn hell seems like we don't). doesn't she ever stop and wonder if she's trying to live her dream through us (and trust me this is not something easy to live through). aw f*#% even she got it wrong. more incentive for me to remain at my current status. cos she'll never let me live it down if i screw it up - she'll nag on and on and i'll never hear the end of it. when C said it was like a death sentence over my head, she got it spot on. i never looked at it that way, but effectively that's what it is.
it just goes on and on and on and on and f^$#%#$ on.... and she always thinks she's right. and perfect and god knows what else. bloody hell, it even drives my sis mad (you know its bad when your sis tells you she loves school for the sole fact that it means seeing less of mum). that's it, when school starts, either i get myself a 5-day or stay till 6 on the days i have class. anything to get out of the damn house. God it's disgusting to think like this, but that's how i really feel.
apparently i think too much about things. which is bad. cos then it gives me unnecessary worries and stress. aw dammit i really am a mess.
doesn't help that mum keeps having a go at me everytime about her perrenial number1 issue. and i HATE it. absolutely positively HATE it. does she know what it really means when she starts saying all that (sometimes i think she damn welll does, but says it anyway). yeah sure she says we got the choice and all that (but it damn hell seems like we don't). doesn't she ever stop and wonder if she's trying to live her dream through us (and trust me this is not something easy to live through). aw f*#% even she got it wrong. more incentive for me to remain at my current status. cos she'll never let me live it down if i screw it up - she'll nag on and on and i'll never hear the end of it. when C said it was like a death sentence over my head, she got it spot on. i never looked at it that way, but effectively that's what it is.
it just goes on and on and on and on and f^$#%#$ on.... and she always thinks she's right. and perfect and god knows what else. bloody hell, it even drives my sis mad (you know its bad when your sis tells you she loves school for the sole fact that it means seeing less of mum). that's it, when school starts, either i get myself a 5-day or stay till 6 on the days i have class. anything to get out of the damn house. God it's disgusting to think like this, but that's how i really feel.
apparently i think too much about things. which is bad. cos then it gives me unnecessary worries and stress. aw dammit i really am a mess.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
argh argh argh argh argh...
3 days till the 'big bang' on saturday. on one hand i don't want it to come (cos it means finality and closure) and on the other i just want it over and done with (cos of the pre-party anxiety). but the biggest question on my mind now is: where is JK? seriously?
ok fine so she's got her attachment and all that (that i can't begrudge her). but its been awfully quiet. frankly i didn't expect to end up being involved to this extent - all i did was say that the guys could use my place. and now, it seems to have all gone a little.... metaphysical (to quote Terry Pratchett).
not that i wanna bitch about it, just that the original idea was hers. and then right now it looks like everyone else is just picking up the pieces and trying to fit the thing back together (i wonder what'd happen if it'd been at SGs place rather than mine - that was first option after all). in all honesty, i don't know. cos if the rest of them (and props to them for doing it) hadn't stepped in, i think this whole thing would've fizzled out.
if we had more time (and more organisation), maybe (just maybe) a bbq would still be feasible. but look at the stuff everyone's involved in. its not that easy. i'm sorry i didn't mention to you guys directly yesterday, but do you know how helpless its gonna feel if the phototaking went through? ZS has camp, JK has work, everyone else involved in phototaking (leaving just G and me to settle the food). much as i hate to say it i know its true. if everything goes well, nothing really gets said. if it bombs, everyone'll bitch (i know i would).
i'm thankful for ZS and A stepping in to help. REALLY. cos without them, this thing would've fizzled out a LONG time ago (God knows how many times i've felt like "Argh this isn't going anywhere. screw the whole thing.")
i just hate the insecurity and uncertainty of the whole thing. its crazy shit. and at the end of this post i come back to the question: where is JK?
ok fine so she's got her attachment and all that (that i can't begrudge her). but its been awfully quiet. frankly i didn't expect to end up being involved to this extent - all i did was say that the guys could use my place. and now, it seems to have all gone a little.... metaphysical (to quote Terry Pratchett).
not that i wanna bitch about it, just that the original idea was hers. and then right now it looks like everyone else is just picking up the pieces and trying to fit the thing back together (i wonder what'd happen if it'd been at SGs place rather than mine - that was first option after all). in all honesty, i don't know. cos if the rest of them (and props to them for doing it) hadn't stepped in, i think this whole thing would've fizzled out.
if we had more time (and more organisation), maybe (just maybe) a bbq would still be feasible. but look at the stuff everyone's involved in. its not that easy. i'm sorry i didn't mention to you guys directly yesterday, but do you know how helpless its gonna feel if the phototaking went through? ZS has camp, JK has work, everyone else involved in phototaking (leaving just G and me to settle the food). much as i hate to say it i know its true. if everything goes well, nothing really gets said. if it bombs, everyone'll bitch (i know i would).
i'm thankful for ZS and A stepping in to help. REALLY. cos without them, this thing would've fizzled out a LONG time ago (God knows how many times i've felt like "Argh this isn't going anywhere. screw the whole thing.")
i just hate the insecurity and uncertainty of the whole thing. its crazy shit. and at the end of this post i come back to the question: where is JK?
Monday, July 17, 2006
ignorance is bliss?
i don't know how true it is to you... but don't you think that some things are better left unknown? granted its nice to know what other people are thinking, but at the same time that knowledge seems to bring with it other things.
all i'm hoping for is that things don't change.
all i'm hoping for is that things don't change.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
sc-sc-sc-SCANDAL!!!! and no.39...
well. it appears the pig scandal is causing more concern than expected. which isn't necessarily a bad thing since SCD (in the process of this whole thing) realises there's actually a lot of people who care about her, worried that she'll get hurt or "taken along for a ride" (makes me sound like scum of the earth, no?). anyway if you guys really knew me, you'd know i'm better than that.
but frankly, i think about it this way - since when does a guy so READILY admit about this kind of thing (i always had the impression it was like trying to squeeze water from a rock)? well, unless maybe you're tom cruise and like jumping on Oprah's couch. there're always the 'indicators' (such as 'no. 39' among others), that sometimes people read into (especially read TOO MUCH into... shameless lah the whole lot of you.... totally SHAMELESS).
apparently the impression i have is that the pig scandal is HUGE... in the sense of it being both a huge concern, and it being big news (like i said, its good for SCD to know that there's so many people who care).
well, i'm not saying anything (unless you ask upfront). think what you like (i'm not gonna stop you). and you know what, i think one of the reasons people are a little worried is this. its a very common scenario, very familiar to most (a friend once said... the army - the dividing force). the similarities and 'signs' abound. but that's just what they are... similarities and 'signs'. and that's why i hate people to assume things (speculation is a dangerous thing. you want to know, ask straight up lah. scared of what... aiyoh *shakes head*).
well of course i'm guilty of not clarifying things, but like i said - you don't ask, how i know what you want to find out? and 'paiseh to ask' is NOT an acceptable answer.
P.S. SCD i hope you don't mind about me posting all this. but we've had 'the talk' right? so things should be fine.
P.P.S oh and personally, i think that the 'vicious cycle isn't as much the girl's fault as it seems. NS is where guys get influenced and learn to do stupid stuff (by their GF's definitions) that can jeopardise the relationship. and another thing - in all seriousness, i'd take choice 2 any day (proves SCD right doesn't it? i'm 'special')... i don't believe in 'completing the cycle' - i've seen enough of that nonsense in my time.
but frankly, i think about it this way - since when does a guy so READILY admit about this kind of thing (i always had the impression it was like trying to squeeze water from a rock)? well, unless maybe you're tom cruise and like jumping on Oprah's couch. there're always the 'indicators' (such as 'no. 39' among others), that sometimes people read into (especially read TOO MUCH into... shameless lah the whole lot of you.... totally SHAMELESS).
apparently the impression i have is that the pig scandal is HUGE... in the sense of it being both a huge concern, and it being big news (like i said, its good for SCD to know that there's so many people who care).
well, i'm not saying anything (unless you ask upfront). think what you like (i'm not gonna stop you). and you know what, i think one of the reasons people are a little worried is this. its a very common scenario, very familiar to most (a friend once said... the army - the dividing force). the similarities and 'signs' abound. but that's just what they are... similarities and 'signs'. and that's why i hate people to assume things (speculation is a dangerous thing. you want to know, ask straight up lah. scared of what... aiyoh *shakes head*).
well of course i'm guilty of not clarifying things, but like i said - you don't ask, how i know what you want to find out? and 'paiseh to ask' is NOT an acceptable answer.
P.S. SCD i hope you don't mind about me posting all this. but we've had 'the talk' right? so things should be fine.
P.P.S oh and personally, i think that the 'vicious cycle isn't as much the girl's fault as it seems. NS is where guys get influenced and learn to do stupid stuff (by their GF's definitions) that can jeopardise the relationship. and another thing - in all seriousness, i'd take choice 2 any day (proves SCD right doesn't it? i'm 'special')... i don't believe in 'completing the cycle' - i've seen enough of that nonsense in my time.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Anti-Social Personality Disorder
talk to the hand. that's the tagline for my PsychOne FOC group (along with our hand mascot that looks macham like some traffic sign).
anyway. camp's over. and as usual, i missed the overnight bonding session *damn* but i'll say this - i think i'm closer to my group this year than bananas last year (no disrespect to those guys).
being the videomancer for psychOne was fun lah i admit. but it meant i didn't get to hang out with my group much. then again, there's lots of footage of the anti-social people (i'm referring to my group, not their characters - though they seemed to be living up to their names on day 1) so that's cool. ASPD will get special edition CD (i think).
just kinda worried about C lah... last day of camp and she was worrying about budget stuff etc. the poor gal had a breakdown of sorts i think (or just needed to release at least). but even then... hang in there ok C?
anyway. camp's over. and as usual, i missed the overnight bonding session *damn* but i'll say this - i think i'm closer to my group this year than bananas last year (no disrespect to those guys).
being the videomancer for psychOne was fun lah i admit. but it meant i didn't get to hang out with my group much. then again, there's lots of footage of the anti-social people (i'm referring to my group, not their characters - though they seemed to be living up to their names on day 1) so that's cool. ASPD will get special edition CD (i think).
just kinda worried about C lah... last day of camp and she was worrying about budget stuff etc. the poor gal had a breakdown of sorts i think (or just needed to release at least). but even then... hang in there ok C?
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