I have no life and i must design...

... which is all fine and well except for 1 "small" detail: I HAVE NO AESTHETIC SENSE WHATSOEVER.

I mean, I can do graphics, publications, videos, games (and video games) and now websites. BUT its all technical. I'm half decent with photoshop, dreamweaver, indesign / freehand, premiere, after effects and maybe even maya, but creatively, i STINK.

(Oh did i mention that i'm pretty damn good with microsoft excel?)

so what advantage is there to being good technicallly if all the skills you have is what pretty much what anyone else can pick up? and when there's so many other people out there who are way better? Like this guy for example?

My only forseeable "gift" is that i pick up softwares pretty quickly (but that's just in comparison to some of my friends). it doesn't give me much of an advantage frankly.

The only reason why my skills have value is that in places where i operate, they haven't found someone who's better (and willing) to do it. Does that make me the cheap / convenient option? perhaps. can i live with that? maybe. does it stink? hell yeah.

I say again: I have no life and i must design - but if there's no ideas, what's there to design?

Crossroads

Well. you'd think that i'd write a shoutout post to everyone now that the sem is over. but frankly i'm just waiting at the moment - waiting for the day to know what happens next (READ: i'm waiting for results). When the results come around i'll know whether i'm staying or going. and while i'm pretty much fine with either outcome, the not-knowing-what-happens-next feeling is just plain annoying.

so about a week and a day from now, expect a post or 2 about what happens next...

Don't say its over....

Or perhaps it really is. but it doesn't feel like it somehow. Maybe its cos i still have assignments left to do. Or maybe also because i don't know if i'm leaving for sure.

But it was kinda sad that in my last week in NUS, i didn't see any of the people i came in with. The people who, for the last 4 years of my life had made it worth coming to school. Yes, i'm talking about the SWAPS / NUSPsyche gang. Apart from maybe Shaun O and YX, i haven't seen Farah and Karina, or even Shaun G and KimChar.

On another note, somehow it just seems that things for me never really aren't meant to work out. Which just proves i'm right i suppose. That there's really nothing there to begin with. I wonder if that night would be the last time. and maybe it is. but i'm glad the opportunities were there. it made everything a lot more bearable. It wasn't much of a goodbye i guess, but that's life. maybe its better this way.

To that one special person who made her final sem (and possibly mine as well) one for me to remember, i just want to say thanks. it may not have been much (or anything at all), but there really wasn't anything that you needed to do. you just had to be you. When the time comes round again i'll see you, but between now and then, study hard and get your stuff done. Its been one heckuva ride for you with everything that's been going on in your modules.

Just want to wish you good luck with whatever comes next. and that at the end of the day you'll find your happiness (God knows you deserve it). Take care of yourself, no matter how much you feel that you need to be there for other people.

Loner

Well. Today we finished filming for our MTV project. And yet somehow i just feel sian and depressed. Don't know why, but i just do.

The filming went well i thought, considering we shot only over 2 days. But i just feel down. Maybe its all the memories that i channeled to get the right mood. Or just the something disappointing that happened. But then again i shouldn't really be disappointed cos i shouldn't have expected anything in the first place.

Need to get out of this soon. Tomorrow's another day. With more filming to do.

Job Prospects

If you're wondering, no it's not that i've found a job (actually i've already got one more or less secured. Lesson: do an internship).

But no, this is more of what i should be doing i guess. Is it just me or have i been writing a lot of bullshit recently (like the stuff for my assignments - analysis etc etc). And the best part is that it looks believable.

Maybe i should become a spindoctor.

Halfway Mark

And so we're at the halfway mark of what might be my final semester. and of all my projects, let's see everything that will be finished by the end of next week (which is end of week 7):

1. NM3217 Web Critique
2. NM5211 Serious Games Report and Presentation
3. NM3208 Theatre Poster
4. NM3208 Web picture assignment
5. NM3550 Report
6. NM3550 Powerpoint + Presentation to internship applicants
7. NM3550 Journal
8. NM3217 Organisational Research
9. CS3216 Hello World App
10. CS3216 That's Bullsh*t App + Code Review
11. CS3216 QuoteTales App + Interface Review
12. NM3208 MTV Reverse Engineering
13. NM3208 My Valentine Photo Slideshow
14. CS3216 Application Seminar Presentation
15. GEM2901 Project 1

Faster than your average student

Well. Its week 4. and here's the assignments i've handed in so far:

1. Serious Games Report+ Presentation
2. Internship Report
3. Internship Journal
4. Internship powerpoint
5. Facebook Hello World App
6. Theatrical Poster
7. Web Page of Pictures
8. Web Critique
9. Facebook "That's Bullsh*t!" App

Only 15 more to go! wahahahaha

24 Assignments

Well. Its been 1 week into start of school. and somehow, i have this little tiny nagging feeling (but just a tiny one) that i'm taking too much on for my own good (then again i thought of it the same way in previous sems and i didn't drop dead and die then so go figure). Now that reader interest is piqued, here's chris' Hell Sem (yes upgraded from hell week) timetable / schedule:

1. CS3216: Developing Applications for Evolving platforms (READ: Facebook module) - 5 Assignments / projects

2. NM3208: Designing Content for New Media (READ: the VIDEO module) - 8 Assignments / projects

3. NM3217: Graphics and Publication Design (Read: the publishing module) - 6 Assignments / projects

4. GEM2901: Reporting Statistics in the Media (Read: the Tues night late-night GEM) - 2
projects

5. NM5211: Serious Games and Educational Technology (Read: the Level 5000 taken by a year 3) - 3 Assignments / Projects

6. NM3550 and INM3550 (Read: the Internship) - 1 report + 2 Powerpoints

7. Continued Work at SGGA (Read: post-internship clean-up)

Which brings grand total of assignments this semester to *cue drumroll* : 5 + 8 + 6 + 2+ 3 = 24!!! then again considering i'm taking 7 Modules worth of credit, that kinda makes sense in some weird twisted way....

So..... 24 / 7. While it probably shows my project / module workload amount, i sincerely hope it doesn't reflect my total working time.... wahahaha


(please be reminded of the fact that i have only 1 exam.... wahahahahaha)

Glad to be going back?

As of 14th Jan, i'll be back in school after 7 months of internship. but i really wonder what things will be like when i do go back. I know that these last few months have seen many changes (even though i've tried going back to keep in touch with what's happening), and sometimes i can't help but wonder if i'd still fit in any more the way i used to.

I've had thoughts of walking away from what i've known for my past 3 years of university life, and seriously don't think i'd be missed that much when all's said and done. Maybe i should just relocate to somewhere else, hang out with different people, and not cling to what was. Perhaps if i really want to move on, i'll really have to move away from what i knew.

I'm not ruling out the fact that i may still be around, but there's a high chance i won't. but i'm not jumping to conclusions or making assumptions just yet. because when 14th of January comes round, we'll see how things pan out.

But in any case, be prepared to see less of me (i guess by now you're used to it, seeing as how i've been away for 7 months).

More whining / ranting

I've been at this job for a good 6 months. As days go by, i'm less and less convinced i should stay in my current job after i graduate. i've already burnt 2 weekends working at some events. As mentioned in the last post, i work alone (and it sucks). and sometimes it just feels that everything is dumped on me and i'm supposed to make it work. WTF. AND there's no forseeable welfare benefits. There's really no point. I tell you if i really needed the money i'd be in deep shit thanks to this being so messed up. It was fun for a while you know, the whole gaming thing.

but if its going to be so unstable and unpredictable, well i'm sorry. its just not happening. Some people say that there's a difference between being an intern and a perm staff. Somehow i feel there isn't going to be much difference if i were to join (in my opinion anyway).

No such thing....

There's no such thing as a "balanced gaming life". Or work-life balance for that matter. its all BALONEY. seriously. I mean, i look at myself. I'm working almost round the clock (except for the hours when i sleep. and i bet if i didn't have to sleep i'd be working then too). I don't think i have much of a social life (or any at all for that matter). My whole life (for the last 6 months or so) has revolved around nothing but internship work (cool as it is). Case in point is me accessing the MMOG from the car while sending my bro back to camp just so i could fix some damn problem in-game. Its kinda sad, but that's how its been. And the only way that most people know that i'm alive is probably through my MSN (on which i'm on ALL THE TIME).

Coupled with the fact that i'm not the kind of person that likes to go out much (and after working in cineleisure since may, i don't think orchard is that big a deal), and you have a recipe for someone who's built for solitary confinement. It doesn't help matters that i've spent a good part of the last 6 months working alone (and i really mean alone. no one else in the office).

This kinda sucks (wait, "kinda" is an understatement. this REALLY sucks). How do you fix a problem with the following parameters?

1. Works all day (and night)
2. Doesn't really like to go out
3. Doesn't see what's so fantastic about orchard / town
4. Has little or no contact with the outside world (MSN and work-related interactions don't count)
5. Burns weekends working for events

I'm open to suggestions. seriously. but so far it just looks like a dead-end-no-solution situation.

Back to the future

On the work front, life is (sort of) fine. Things (as always) could be better, but i doubt they'd really get seriously much better than it is now. but anyway, i digress...

I've been getting a lot of flashbacks recently. Been doing a lot of remembering (and with me that really can happen a lot). I have to say that all this remembering and mental flashbacks isn't good for me. Because things can't be laid to rest and they keep running through my mind. Sometimes i just wish i could forget so that i wouldn't be continually tormented.

Surprisingly its the happy flashbacks that are more painful than the bad ones (i find the bad ones just plain embarrassing). The happy ones are the ones that really make me remember, and remembering (in this case) isn't good. Why can't i get this stuff out of my head? It's annoying.

it looks like even after 7 months, there hasn't been any progress. does that mean anything?

Long time no see

for the record, its been just under 2 months since i posted anything up here. mostly because i'm getting kinda lazy, and also because there's nothing interesting happening at the moment (well at least interesting enough for anyone wanting to bother).

so what's happened between the last post and this one?

1. Games Convention Asia. That was mad shit (in more than 1 sense of the word).

2. Intership (as always). Which for the info of those who don't know, will last ALL the way till Dec 31st.

3. thanks to my internship, i was a guest at a level 4000 NM module. Yes you heard me right. Its ironical cos i know quite a number of the students there from our previous modules. And so class has started, and i walk in with my boss, and the lecturer says i'm sitting in as a guest. and i'm like... riiiiight. *shrug*

and that's it really. Like i said, nothing interesting happening. Sad right? hahahaha

Updates... snowball effect of sorts

A few updates for you people:

1. went back to school to visit friends now that i'm the only one at the office
2. i'm not going up to germany after all (bummer)
3. because of point 2 i now have A LOT of work (think of hell week x 10)
4. because of point 2 i can go for welcome tea (yeah)
5. i don't think i can go for agm (another bummer)
6. because of point 2 i now am going to get into the deep end to layout a magazine even before i took NM3217 (graphics and publication design)
7. because of point 2 i have to now go out and deliver stuff for one of our campaigns
8. damn i hate point 2.

and Time goes on...

Well. Its been about another month since the last update. I wonder if anyone still comes around here. probably not.

Anyway, if you for some reason are one of those that pop by and wonder "is chris still keeping this blog?" the answer would be.... yes. anyway, enough of this. on to the post.

Things have been... happening to say the least (and somehow that's an understatement). If you're wondering what i've done recently:

1. Wore a suit (yes Chris and Suit are 2 words that hardly come together in the same mental image) for an international business meeting thing hosted by our office.

2. Worked for 15 hours on a saturday at the World Cyber Games Asian Championships SG for 2 movie tickets

3. Burnt another saturday working at Cyber Showdown

4. Got to the attend the Asia Interactive Awards (and give out the certs on behalf of my boss who had to go to china for last minute business stuff)

5. Used my free movie tickets on Transformers (but had to run out of the show at one point to send urgent email for work). apologies to DF for ruining the movie.

6. I should be going to Germany for a games convention (WOOHOO!)

7. Visited my friends at their graduation ceremony. Hung out, took pics and talked... and talked... and talked....

In other news, Chris' work never seems to let up. There's always stuff to be done. LOTS of stuff. but i like what i do.

Missing In Action? and life on the "edge"

Well... it looks like the monthly updates have started again. Mostly thanks to a few reasons:

1. i've been lazy to blog
2. there's not much to blog about
3. work, work, work

but anyway... for all of those who think that the only indication of my being alive is my "online" status on msn, you're just about right actually. Ever since i've started my internship, its been nothing but work (if you want to know just how much work, imagine being involved in designing 9 games ON YOUR OWN).

While its true that i'm pretty much to blame for the fact that i've isolated myself from everyone else, i realise that once paths diverge, you no longer remain "in the loop" as they call it. It really makes you notice. When you read your friends' blogs, realise what they're up to (and wishing you could be there with them), its like... i don't know how to say it, but you just feel that something's missing. that the world is just passing you by. the worst of all of course is the fact that you never really were quite "in" that "circle" in the first place (though you thought you were).

That's a little bit of how i'm feeling now actually. because i realise that i've pretty much always been on the fringes of each of my "circles". and once paths diverge, then you really are no longer inside (or even on the edges). but even on the edges, it gets kinda lonely sometimes. *shrug* i dunno. maybe this is just being self-pitiful. but to me its really true that sometimes i feel that i'm only on the fringes of all my "circles".

Absoutely JAW DROPPING

Well. All i can say is that i'm totally and utterly SPEECHLESS (in a good way). I've never seen results like this in my whole life. Never. Ever.

Suddenly there's a whole new option to consider. but do i dare consider it? anyway... on to the "props". Presenting Chris' honour roll for Sem 2 of AY06/07 *drumroll*

Props to:

1. The members of Inventivus Relatio Corporation (my uber-powerful NM2219 project group). I don't think I coulda gotten what I got without you guys. Still remember that first tutorial when y'all came up to me after class and asked if i wanted to join your project group. I guess all those meetings till late that got us stuck over the stupid 2nd year campaign plans paid off huh? and not to mention those online meetings that seemed to go on forever. and not to mention the fact that you guys really pulled through even when we were late. and not to mention pulled out ALL the stops for our project (to the point our tutor said it was "phenomenal"). we totally owned the rest of them. seriously. I don't think i could've possibly worked with a team that was better. cos you guys were THE BEST.

2. Team members for iPerceptum (User Experience design project). NM4210 was about User Experience. and well, working with you guys really was an experience i'll never ever forget. Thanks to the girls for picking up the slack when other stuff got in the way, for the stuff for the report, and props to my main man for his whicked sick programming skills. and not to mention the initial idea that got us rolling. you da man.

3. the crew from Snap! (Game Development Project). Honestly, when this first started out i never really knew what to expect. a game development project group of 4 with 1 and a half programmers and no 3d animation background looked like a receipe for disaster, especially with XNA screwing around with you guys. But i really gotta hand it to the programmers. They made something out of nothing. Even though the shaders never really got through, the rest of the project was absolutely fantastic. The transformation from a buggy, clumsily controlled game into the final product was just... wow. Hope you guys have fun in Boston for the MIT trip. Just wish i could be there too.

4. SmartCasing (New Product Development). I know this module wasn't graded for me, but the team behind it still mattered. Props really should go out to JF for keeping it all together. I know it was horribly stressful for you, with times where you were on the verge of breaking down. But you didn't. and i don't think the project would've been able to pull through without you. props to kai for the excellent 3D modelling work. it still leaves me in awe. And props to the girls who came in just at the right time, or we'd not have been able to pull through.
there's one other person i want to thank. someone who, just by being there for that time we had, gave me strength to pull through when the hell weeks just kept going, when the stress kept piling. even though the results have left me happy, there's still that feeling of wishing i had you around to celebrate with me. I don't mean to reopen old wounds that are trying to heal, to bring up pain that you're trying to forget, or to do this to cause any hurt, but i just want to thank you. because i don't think i could have pulled through without you there. i'm just sorry that things had to turn out the way they did.

Internship

well.... exams are over (or rather PRESENTATION is over). but WORK has just begun.

I've just gotten through (almost) the first week of my internship at SGGA - Singapore Gamers' Association. the whole thing lasts for 6 months, so i'm going to be part of the workforce till some time in december...

In case you decide to come poke around and gawk at the 4 interns (or maybe 5 by next week) who are holed up in a small office that used to be retail space, i'm at level 9 of cineleisure orchard, in that large LAN shop looking thing they call E2Max, and the office is right next to that thing they call the games academy (which looks more like a game shop than somewhere that allows you to loan out games).

Well... that's it for the moment i guess. All i can say that its going to be nothing but busy for the next few months - definitely one helluva ride.

Over... in some sense.... and not in some sense..

Well, my exam is done. [ed: wait... shouldn't you mean examS?] What's so amusing about this sem (in some sense) is that there's only 1. As someone who had finished his last of 5 exams said "wah. want to gloat also cannot."

So if my exam is over, does it mean that i'm free? well not quite. because in... 5 days from now, my 8MC project is due. There's stuff to be done (lots of stuff). and not just my area (interface design). Thus explaining the title of this post

On a somewhat related note (or not)... what i don't need now is confusion. Seriously. It really is over (in one sense), but in another sense it isn't (and please don't get the 2 mixed up. because they're different. I don't mean to send wrong signals. I'm just being me.

The Great Escape

Internship interview in 6 hours at E2Max in cineleisure for Games Academy run by Singapore Gamers' Association. Wish me luck.

Hoping to get it, and to "negotiate" for the 6-month full time at Games Academy. Then i can get away from everything and everyone for 6 whole months (and i'll learn stuff in the process... wooohooo!)